We're like fireworks
by nish0
Summary: "He's not that little kid anymore, is he?" Matsumoto Rangiku fumed in her anger, staring after her white haired captain who has just dumped a pile of paperwork on her table before wordlessly stomping out of the office."Why are you acting like you're mad at me, constantly. What have I done?" She doesn't remember anything so it's better to just keep things the way it has always been.
1. Chapter 1

**We're like fireworks, let's not disappear.**

**Chapter 1**

"He's not that little kid anymore." Kyoraku Shunsui lazily spoke from his bottle of sake as Matsumoto Rangiku fumed in her anger, staring after her white haired captain who has just dumped a pile of paperwork on her table before wordlessly stomping out of the office.

"He isn't, is he?" She grated her teeth, pushing the unfinished bottle of sake to the side. "And it seems that with increased age and height his annoying habit of pouring water down everything remotely related to _fun_ has also doubled."

"Well," Kyoraku Shunsui nodded from under his hat and with a smirk said, "I'll leave you to your fun fun paperwork Rangiku chan." Then he jumped out the window and disappeared.

Rangiku groaned and ran her fingers through her hair before sadly eyeing the pile of paper in front of her. Then she let out the loudest sigh.

…

Hitsugaya Toshiro arrived at his office half past 12 at night thinking he could just finish up the paper works that his lazy vice-captain has definitely left for him.

As he slid the door open his large green eyes widen at the sight.

Matsumoto Rangiku sleeping on her desk and in front of her were two separate piles of paper work. One is significantly smaller than the other.

He silently strolled across the room and peeked. To his surprise he recognised that the smaller pile was the unfinished pile after all. He couldn't believe she has actually done all that. He smiled at her sleeping form, slightly snoring on half written report. He didn't think she would have it in her to finish all that after few bottles of sake with Kyoraku Shunsui.

"Matsumoto?" He called her name softly. She didn't move. He didn't expect it anyway.

He sighed and habitually reached out to pick her up to carry her back to her quarter. His hand stoped inches away from her waist and he's suddenly changed his mind. The loving smirk from his lips disappeared and his eye brows showed a prominent frown. He turned around and walked out the office by closing the door behind him softly.

…

"I still don't understand what's up with Taichou." Rangiku lazily gazed at the clouds while half lying next to Izuru Kira. "I stayed up almost all night last night and finished all that paperwork and he's still giving me the cold shoulder."

"Well he is Hitsugaya Taichou. Doesn't he always?"

"Not like this. It was as if he couldn't stand me anywhere near him for the last few days."

"Maybe he's just mad at something?"

"Like what? The summer?"

"Maybe you've unintentionally done something."

"But even if that's the case, he would be shouting at me, not ignoring my presence."

"I imagine that would be hard. You know how you're his vice-captain and all."

"I'm not making it up Kira." Rangiku spoke irritably.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that."

Kira silently sat for few moments. "Want to go back to the sparring?"

"Yeah." She pulled herself up.

She was hot and sweaty after the training and sparring with Kira. Her strawberry blond hair was sticking to her wet flushed skin as she strolled towards her quarter for a shower before dinner. As she turned the corner she bumped on to a hard chest of someone.

"Ouch. Sorry…" She rubbed her nose and looked up to see her captain. Her face lit up with a smile, "it's you Taichou…" She was about to jump and give him a hug.

Hitsugaya stepped back and stopped her from hugging him. She watched how distantly he looked away from her before speaking coldly, "I'll see you later in the office tomorrow Matsumoto."

Then he silently walked past her with no further words.

Rangiku stood there looking confused. He has always been cold and distant but he has never pushed her away like that.

She frowned. What is it that he is so upset about? She decided she'll ask him tomorrow.

…

"You're on time today for a change. I'll have to go and take care of something, could you finish up these forms?" Rangiku was stunned as Hitsugaya Taichou walked past her without giving her a chance to utter a single word.

She looked at another couple of piles of unfinished paperwork with despair. She sat down on the table and pulled a form from the pile.

As she started reading the form, her thoughts instantly wondered elsewhere. She wondered why is her captain is doing everything in his power to keep her locked inside the office. And what is up with the constant temper. She doesn't remember doing anything to him.

She chewed the end of her pen for second before determinedly standing up after pushing the chair back. She's going to find him and confront him.

Hitsugaya Toshiro was leading a group of ten squaders to several tasks for maintenance of the tenth squad buildings when Rangiku stepped behind him. "Taichou."

He spun around and looked at her wide eyed for a second. "Matsumoto?" He then quickly steadied himself and coldly spoke, "What are you doing here? Have you finished the paper works?"

"I came to talk to you, Taichou." She approached him.

He stepped away from her. "I'm in the middle of something."

"Toshiro. What happened?" Rangiku stepped forwards and grabbed his arm persistently. "Why are acting so weird lately."

Hitsugaya flinched at her touch a little and he pushed her away. Rangiku always calls him by his first name when she gets serious.

"It's captain Hitsugaya. And I'm not sure what you're talking about Matsumoto. Now would you please go back to your work?"

Rangiku bit her lips. "Have I done something to you? "

Hitsugaya scowled and turned to face her. "Matsumoto. As your captain I command you to go back to your work and stop wasting my time. If you have time to chitchat you have time to do more work."

He speedily turned around and left her staring at his dust. Rangiku's face heavily laden with worries, she arrived at her office and tried to concentrate on her paperwork without much avail.

She wondered if Hitsugaya will come back to the office. It's odd seeing him away from his precious paperwork for so long.

She thought what might've gone wrong.

_When did he start acting so pissed off and distant?_ She thought to herself.

_It was that couple of days ago when he shoved a bunch of boring routine check-ups on personnel on her rather angrily. _

She lied down on the couch with her hands under her head. _Come to think of it even before that he was acting angry towards her._

She closed her eyes. _He was practically yelling at her because she had a small tiny glass of sake during the Wednesday afternoon. He said something along the lines of, she's always drinking and slacking off and he has had enough. She didn't really care about it. He always complains and nags like that. S_he blew away the strand of hair that was on her face.

_Well he doesn't remember doing anything to him before that. Oh wait that was the day after she spilled all that ink on his papers. But then she had fixed them up again before the end of the day. That shouldn't be it._

Rangiku frowned a little while lying on that couch. _Hell with it. She's too sleepy to think. She will figure it out later when she wakes_. She turned to her side and sunk into a nap.

…

After abandoning the training Hitsugaya Toshiro ran off and arrived at the rooftop of a building that overlooks the valleys and the sunset.

He is in very difficult situation and having a hard time acting normal around her.

But this needs to stop. She doesn't remember anything so it's better to just keep things the way it has always been. The way it always will be.

He sighed and realised the time. He should head back to the office. No matter how hard it is for him to be around her, he will have to deal with it and forget what happened. If he tried hard enough he was sure he will get over it.

He stood up and shunpoed towards the tenth squad.

As he slid the door open and stepped inside the office his eyes fell on the untouched pile of paperwork. A sigh escaped his mouth. He slowly walked towards the table when something caught his attention at the corner of his field of vision.

Matsumoto Rangiku was sleeping peacefully on his couch. He let out another sigh he silently strolled towards her and bend down and softly called her name, "Matsumoto."

She didn't move.

He leaned closer. This time spoke more softly, almost inches from her ears, "Rangiku?"

He thought her eyes twitched a little but she laid unmoving.

He wanted to move away but somehow his hand ignored his command and reached out to her face. With soft touches he moved the strand of hair that sat lazily on her face. His fingers lightly brushed the side of her cheeks.

His cheeks flushed at the softness he felt under his finger. He quickly moved away. He stood there for a second looking at the pile of paperworks and turned to look at sleeping Rangiku.

He softly muttered a tiny curse under her breath and approached her. With one swift motion he picked her up on his arms. She was lighter that she looks, but he knew that.

…

"Umm… Taichou?" Hitsugaya startled as Rangiku stirred on his arms. "Why are you carrying me?"

He stopped and put her down on her feet instantly. "I was about to leave and lock the doors of the office. I can't lock you inside."

She steadied herself and realised how late it's gotten. They were standing in the middle of the street, close to the ten squad living quarters.

"I guess you'll find way to your quarter." To hide the discomfort on his face, he turned around, ready to leave.

Rangiku's brain took few seconds to warm from sleeping, but she quickly jumped and grabbed hold of his haori from the back. "Wait."

He looked down at her with irritation. "What is it?"

"What… did I do?" She looked uncomfortably guilty.

"You fell asleep without even touching the paperworks…."

"No" her voice raised. "Why are you acting like you're mad at me, constantly. What have I done?"

"If you don't remember it, you won't need to remember it" Hitsugaya spun around and disappeared with a shunpo.

"I… don't remember?" her eyes widen a little. "…The night of the party?"

…

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_"What's up with everyone?" Rangiku whined loudly as the music was drowning most of the conversations in the large great hall that is hosting the party. "I can't believe it's just you and me here."_

_Shuhei shrugged guiltily. "Actually Rangiku san…"_

_"Hi Hisagi san. I'm sorry to keep you waiting." Rangiku turns around and spots a young blonde girl smiling shyly at Shuhei, her mouth dropped. _Shuhei has a date?

_"I actually had plans to hang out with Rin here." Shuhei stood up and extended his hands towards the girl. "I'll see you later Rangiku san."_

_Rangiku quickly conjured her happy smile, "Shuhei. Promise to tell me all the details tomorrow?" she winked at him before he shyly walked away with his hand clutching Rin's._

_Rangiku sighed and turned around to order another round of sake from the bartender. She just couldn't understand how she has been left alone, at a party, while everyone else has been either pairing up or doing something else. _

I wonder where Taichou is_. She muttered to herself while finishing her second bottle. To echo her thoughts a couple of young shinigami girls queued up to order drinks next to her. _

_"Oh my god! I can't believe I actually spoke to him. "_

_"I know. He is so dreamy."_

_Rangiku rolled her eyes at the young girls. They are probably new recruits, squealing about their crush on captains and vice captains. She wondered who they were talking about._

_"They say Hitsugaya Taichou doesn't show much interest in girls."_

_"Maybe he's saving himself for his one true love."_

_Both girls practically squealed at that. _

One true love?_ Rangiku smirked. _Toshiro?

_"If I ever get to kiss those lips of his, I think I would die and go to heaven."_

His lips?_ Rangiku frowned first then smirked a little more to herself. If he knew what sort of talks around about him he'd be either angry or embarrassed. Most likely both at the same time. _

_"Hey do you think he has a thing for his vice-captain?"_

_Rangiku almost spat out her sake._

_"He might. They are always together. Unless they are already… you know." _

_"Yes. And knowing Matsumoto Fukutaichou, bet she's stringing him around like a fool." _

_Rangiku cleared her throat loudly and turned around to face them. "Hey girls… "_

_Both girls looked at her and suddenly looked horrified. "Ma… ma… Matsumoto Fukutaichou!"_

_"You kids should watch what sort of gossip you spread around here." she spoke coolly despite of the alcohol in her system, her disappointment at being left alone and hearing gossips about herself. "You never know who's listening."_

_The girls stared at her clearly annoyed face with fear for a second before bowing in apology and scurrying away. _

_She gulped down another few cups of sake grumpily. _Does Taichou know what these people are talking behind their backs?

_She stood up and wormed her way through the crowd. Before long she found the head full of white hair on the 6 feet high tenth squad captain she was looking for. _

_"Tai… chou!" she stopped abruptly. Hitsugaya was talking to someone. He turned around and looked at her._

_"Matsumoto. What is it? What have you done now?" he frowned. He usually never even sees a single flash of her scarf in any parties, unless something is wrong. _

_"Me? I was just wondering where you were." she pouted then smiled and locked his arm into a hug. He pulled himself away. _

_"I'm sort of in the middle of a conversation." She looked at the girl he was speaking to. Blonde, tall, curvy and has an air of superiority emitting around her. _

_He then turned around and introduced her to the girl. "Matsumoto this is Okura Shiyomi, one of academy's star graduates, looking to join our squad. She has some great new ideas about improving communications procedures. Very impressive for a young graduate." _

_"Pleasure to meet you Matsumoto Fukutaichou." She turned her face towards her robotically, as if her hair would mess up if she moves faster. Rangiku suspected from looking at her clothes that she's from a rich family._

_"Likewise Shiyomi chan." She smiled at her brightly. For some reason the girl frowned after being addressed in such manner. "Pretty ribbons."_

_She noticed the expensive looking ribbons tied to a small lock of hair, next to her left earlobes. Shiyomi smiled and nodded. Something about smugness of her attitude infuriated Rangiku. But she ignored it._

_"Taichou, would you come with me?" _

_Hitsugaya brushed her off. "Just a moment Matsumoto." He then turned towards the girl and continued, "... as I have said before, the reason why…. "_

_Rangiku suddenly felt completely invisible as her captain ignored her presence and continued his conversation with a girl he didn't even know existed until two minutes ago. The way the girl looked so smugly interested in his words, pissed her off even more. _

Fine then_. She frowned and disappeared back within the crowds. She'll enjoy her own company tonight. At least the bartender looked happy to see her back. _

_Next time she saw her captain was when she opened her eyes to find herself lying on the dirty floor of the empty great hall, next to the equally empty bar, with a tower of sake bottles around her. _

_"Matsumoto." he was kneeling next to her. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop drinking like this." There was clear irritation in his voice. She tried to say something then she felt him tugging her and pulling her into a sitting position then she found herself being carried in his arms. _

_Hitsugaya kept his eyes forward as he carried her outside the great hall and emerged under the cool night sky. _

_He flash step. She groaned, "… don't …" _

_She felt her head spinning further, which made her queasy. He landed quickly and continued walking towards the tenth squad. _

_"Why were you hiding in that corner?" he was still irritated and kind of cross. "I was looking for you all night." _

_"…why?" she closed her eyes and mumbled with her head on his shoulder._

_"Cause you has something to talk about?"_

_"...talk about? I wanted to hang out with you." She felt her heavy head weighing down on his neck. The crook of his was perfectly shaped for her to rest her head and close her eyes in ease._

_He paused for a second. "With me? Since when do you want to ... 'hang out' with me?" he sounded confused._

_She was silent for a moment. "I felt so… lonely."_

_"Lonely?" he was surprised. _

_"Everyone was busy… you're with that smug little girl… shuyoo… something." She nuzzled her head on his neck. Toshiro felt a tug inside his chest. _

_"Shiyomi? We were talking about work."_

_"Hmm... Maybe she likes you… "_

_Toshiro frowned, "Matsumoto, you're drunk."_

_"Do … you like her?" she opened her eyes slightly and looked up the side of his face. His frown deepened. _

_"Matsumoto. You need to sleep. You're almost home." he shook his head disapprovingly._

_"You are quiet popular you know. And I've heard some girls talking … saying things… about… us."_

_"Us?" he stopped in front of her apartment then put her down on her feet. _

_She wobbled a bit but fell on his chest, grabbing his collar. He balanced her by grabbing her arms. _

_"Yes…." She locked his eyes in her intoxicated gaze. Then standing on her toes she reached up and kissed him on his lips. Her lips were on his for only few seconds before she pulled back and stared into his eye intently. As if to see his reaction. _

What? _Toshiro's breathe caught in his throat. His turquoise eyes turned wide as his brain frantically tried to register that kiss. _

_"Us…" she continued speaking softly. "You… and… me." All muscles on his body stiffened, she felt his grip on her arm tightened, slightly painfully._

_Toshiro forgot to think. His brain started rejecting most of his rational thoughts out and every brain cell focused its concentration on the sky blue of her eyes. _

_A very slow and long moment passed by as they silently stared at each other. _

What is this? Is this the moment Matsumoto finally becomes his… only his?_ Her lips felt so very soft on his. He felt sweat beads popping on his forehead. _

_"Matsumoto…" his voice was heavy with unknown emotions and confusion. Her hand clutched the collar of his haori. "…what are you doing?"_

_"Toshiro…" she leaned forward again. "You have nice lips." _

Nice lips? What?_ His heart skipped a beat and it skipped another. With his mouth slightly gaped open he flustered. "Matsumoto …". And stopped abruptly when he found his face inches from hers. He could see the cloudiness of her half closed eyes. _

_"Matsumoto." He almost stuttered out the next words. "I…I have to go… now…"_

_"… Do you?" She leaned forward and softly muttered with her face buried on his neck, then she looked up through her eyelashes. _

_Her lazy smirk sent a wave of adrenaline through his veins and kick-started his brain and body into action. He pushed her against the wall to attack her lips. And this time it wasn't just a peck. _

_"Toshiro…would you…" She pulled out first as his kiss started trailing down towards her jaw and neck. She whispered, "Stay with me…" she paused, he suddenly thought he saw her face darkened for a split second. "…tonight?"_

_This time he picked her up and unlocked her door. Soon, she was on her bed and he had her hands pinned down on her side with his own. He towered on top of her, on his knees, forming a shield around her. His deep voice resonated. "For so many years, I thought you'd never ask, Matsumoto."_

_Without waiting for her response he kissed her again. Suddenly His body was on autopilot as he trailed steamy kisses down her neck and throat. He felt her squirm under him, trying to pull her hands away from his clutches. _

_"…let me hold you" she mumbled in her voice heavy with alcohol and what he thought, desire. _

_He ignored her as he continued with his kisses down her neck and lowered himself towards her chest. She squealed and faintly giggled. _

_He wants her. He has always wanted her. _

_He let go her hands and started fumbling with the knot of her obi only to realise that the rush of adrenaline and ardour has left him unable to execute a normal task like untying an obi without difficulties. With his long cold fingers he pulled and twisted the material for which felt like an eternity. _

_The success of untying her cloths only came with the realisation that she has fallen asleep. He couldn't believe it. _Now?

_He reached up and kissed her neck again. "Matsumoto?"_

_She let out a hum like noise in her sleep. He pulled away and sighed loudly in frustration. _

_Just when, it was finally happening, she falls asleep. He's definitely going to ban her from drinking now. _

_He sat up and pulled her clothes back with a darken face full of longing and disappointment. He covered her under her sheets before silently closing the door behind him with deep sigh._

_…_

_Hitsugaya Toshiro slept in today. This is definitely not normal. He woke up disorientated since the last nights tossing and turning has left him with only a couple of hours of sleep. The warm memories of his moment with his vice-captain crept into his mind and he felt his lips twitching into an unusual smile. _

_He was happy. There were butterflies inside his stomach doing summersaults and the sunny day outside couldn't even place a dent on his bubble of secret happiness. _

_He picked up an extra donut on his way from the shop with two take way cups of coffee. He wondered what Matsumoto will do when she sees him. Would she blush or be awkward or make fun of him? He suspects the last one. But he's a grown man now, he can handle whatever she throws at him. _

_Or so he thought. _

_Outside the door of his office Hitsugaya Toshiro stood in silence as he heard the voices coming from his office. He perked up his ears and realised it was Rangiku and Nanao. _

_"…my head is going to burst."_

_"God, look at the state of that face, when did you get home last night?"_

_"… I don't know… I don't even know how I got to my bed. I have no memory of it. The last thing I remember was… Taichou ditched me for an annoying perfect pompous pretty girl. I think I was drinking… a lot, then nothing."_

_"Well I guess that means you didn't walk home."_

_"Someone must've carried me home. Oh god. Did I sleep with some strange man? I hope it's not that bartender. He was kind of cute though… but damn it, it wouldn't be the first time I've done something like this." she groaned. "I have to stop drinking this much…. where were you guys I was by myself all night...! " _

_The fluttering feeling in his stomach was suddenly gone and he looked at the extra donut in his pack of breakfast with distaste. _

_He should've fucking known this would happen. She would never kiss him when she's sober. She has never looked at him like that. And he played right into her game. It made him feel angry and hurt. _

_He picked up his bruised ego and threw the breakfast in the bin. With hardened facial muscles he pushed open the door to his office. _

_"… Taichou." Matsumoto looked up in surprise to the extent of force used to open the door. "Good morning."_

_Hitsugaya wordlessly approached his desk and glared at his vice-captain and her friend Ise Nanao. "What is this chit chat early in the morning? Have you forgotten the amount of work you have left from yesterday Matsumoto?"_

_Her eyes widen a little and Ise Nanao instantly excused herself._

_"Taichou. What's wrong? Are you…."_

_"Nothing. If you don't finish the paperwork by the end of the day be sure there won't be any field duties or training tasks for you. You're going to be here for as long as it's needed to finish these paperwork." His voice could send a chill down anyone who's present._

_But it's Matsumoto. She laughed out loud, "oh Taichou. You and your threats I know you don't care…."_

_"MATSUMOTO!" he raised his voice in anger. "I will say this once and if you don't listen be ready to face the consequences." He stormed out of the office and closed the door shut loudly behind him._

_Rangiku started at the door dumbfounded._

_Toshiro arrived at the corner of the tenth squad training ground and gripped Hyorinmaru tight. _

'…It wouldn't be the first time…'_ her voice echoed inside his head. _

_He muttered to himself. "It was only another moment of her drunk amusement." _

_He slashed his zanpaktou at the air. _

_…_

_To be continued._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"So you don't remember seeing me at the party before you left?" Rangiku thoughtfully curled a strand of hair on her finger as she stared off at the bartender of popular Gotei 13 pub.

"Nah" Hisagi Shuhei gulped down a cup of sake. "I was with Rin and I don't think I've noticed anyone else that night."

Rangiku poked Kira sitting next to her with her elbow and grinned at Shuhei. His cheeks reddened a little but he kept his face straight.

"Well it wasn't me who took you home either." Kira smiled at her suggestive poke and continued the conversation. "I was one of the first few ones to leave. Renji was with me too so it wasn't him either."

Renji nodded affirmatively from next to Shuhei.

Rangiku sighed and unmindfully stared at the bartender again.

Shuhei gulped down the sake and watched Rangiku's face. "You know if you're going to eyeball that new bartender with that look in your eyes, you should just ask him out."

"Moi?" She smirked mischievously. "Matsumoto Rangiku, doesn't ask approach anyone." She beamed with her pearly white teeth. "People come to her."

After the boys left, she stayed back and was chatting with the new bartender when she saw Hitsugaya Toshiro and Hinamori Momo walking inside the pub. After a moment of thinking, she excused herself to talk to him. Maybe with Momo around, she might get some conversation out of him.

"Hi Momo" She chirped and watched his face twisted into annoyance on the opposite side of the table. "Hi Taichou."

"Rangiku san." Momo smiled at her.

"I came to talk to you Taichou." She sat next to Momo and looked at him straight in the eyes.

He refused to meet her gaze. "You see me at the office every day."

"You're correct. But only, I don't. Not for the last few days. You always disappear after leaving me with piles of paperwork."

"If you're complaining about your work load again, it's about time you start taking your responsibilities seriously…"

"It's…not about work Taichou. It's about you."

"What about me?"

"Why won't you tell me why you are so mad at me? Have I done something that night of the party?"

Toshiro clenched his fist but refrained himself as Momo was sitting there. "Matsumoto, can we not talk about this right now."

"We could if you would let me get a hold of you at any other time."

"What is it that you want to talk about."

Momo watched with puzzlement as the two of them threw words back and forth.

"How about the fact that you're always mad at me, and always finding an excuse to keep me away from doing any tasks with you…"

"Matsumoto. I'm here to catch up with Momo. Could you please stop wasting our time?"

Momo spoke, "Actually Shiro Chan, I don't mind…" Toshiro gave her a deathglare and she swallowed her words.

Rangiku let out a loud sigh. "I'm sorry Taichou. For whatever I've done. I'm sorry." Her voice was sincere.

Toshiro quietly sat for a moment then let out a sigh. He knows she won't let go until he gives up.

"It's fine. Now could you please leave us alone?" He curtly answered.

"Only if you promise that you won't go off doing all the field tasks on your own and leaving me with all the paperworks."

"I told you, you need to…"

"Yes, yes I know. I will do my share of paperworks but I would also like to get some field duties. "

"Okay. Now, if you would just leave, I can continued this meeting with Momo."

She smiled widely. "Thank you Taichou." She jumped up and was quickly at his side of the table, bending down to lock him into an embrace. He instantly leaned sideways and with a swift motion blocked her arms away from him. "That's enough for today."

Rangiku frowned and pouted. "Aww Taichou doesn't want my hugs anymore." Then smiled again. "I guess I will give it few more days. See ya, Momo chan." with that she happily turned around with the swish of her scarf and left.

He watched her taking her seat at the bar, happily started chirping away with the people around her and the bartender. He sighed loudly and looked away.

"What's up Shiro Chan?" Momo asked suddenly. "Something happened between you two?"

"Not you too." He spoke irritably.

"Well, I guess something serious must've happened if you're ignoring Rangiku san. I know how you feel about her."

He almost choked on his sake. "How … I … feel?"

"Yes. Anyone could tell." She beamed at him.

"Tell what?" He felt cold sweat on his forehead.

"That you're in love with her." She giggled.

"What…" He could feel his face redden. "There is no way… how…. Why would you say something like that? "

"Shiro Chan" she reached out and touched his hand. "I've known you since we are running around in nappies. You've been in love with her since the moment you've met her."

"Nonsense." He was suddenly angry.

"Well, you've been hiding it well so far. I'm guessing something happened to change the equilibrium." Momo spoke with a look of old wise man on her face.

He stood up abruptly, red faced. "I'm not going to seat here and listen to this garbage."

He stormed out of the pub leaving Momo dumbstruck. She then bent her head and sighed in frustration. "This guy!"

…

"_You're in love with her."_

Momo's voice went around inside his head as he fumed in anger and embarrassment and stormed towards his office. It's late and there was no one in the office quarters. He sank down on his chair and breathed in deeply.

She was right. She was right about everything. He did love her. He has always loved her. He has been in love with her for as long as he can remember.

But that's not the problem. It never caused him any problem until now. Since that night it's extremely hard for him to be near her. It was as if he will catch fire if she's near him.

Maybe he'll just have to try harder to pretend that nothing happened. He leaned his head back on the chair and closed his eyes. If only she wasn't so freaking irresistible.

It was a few hours later when he startled up from his sleep on his chair. It's late.

He should go home.

He slowly walked towards the tenth squad living quarters when suddenly there was loud giggling that came from somewhere in front of him. He saw two figures in the dark, standing in front of Rangiku's apartment. He stopped on the spot and stood still in the darkness, completely unnoticed, few yards behind them.

"… God! You're a cheeky one aren't you?" Rangiku laughed in inebriation, her arm was around the man's shoulder.

Who's with her? His eyes narrowed. Is that… ? He stood frozen on the spot. The bartender from the bar? He clenched his hands.

"You better watch that uncontrollable hand of yours Mr. Bartender. Don't think I didn't notice what you're trying to do all night." Her giggles were happy and full of teasing.

Toshiro watched as the two figured staggered and made their way inside her apartment.

"… I hope you don't have any early morning plans …" he heard her speak as they disappeared through the open door.

He felt heart shattered in pieces and turn into cold hard ice as he stared blankly at flash of sunset coloured hair vanishing away from his field of vision.

A strange cold breeze blew to chill her bones as the door to her apartment locked shut.

…

"Good morning Taichou" she beamed at him as she walked inside the office.

He quietly worked through his papers.

"I brought you some coffee. The café is having a special on muffins. So, guess what I also got for you?" she dumps a paperbag in front of him while leaning towards him with a mischievous smile. "You're favourite, chocolate chip muffin."

He calmly pushed the paperbag away and continued with his work.

She studied his face for a second before shrugging and walking away.

At her desk she realised to her surprise that there was no paperwork for her. "Hey Taichou. What happened to all the paperworks?"

"You're carrying out all the field tasks today. Please get started as soon as possible." He spoke calmly.

She sipped her coffee. "You're still not mad at me are you?"

He didn't respond as he continued scribbling down with his pen.

"Taichou?"

Silence.

She stood up now and walked towards his desk. Standing on his opposite side of the table she leaned forward and place a hand on the form he was working on. His pen stopped moving.

"Taichou I thought we've already talked about this. I said I was sorry for whatever I've done."

He breathed in deeply then quietly stood up. She felt the room was suddenly cold.

He picked up the paperbag with muffins and the cup of coffee. And mercilessly dropped them in the bin before turning around to face her. She felt the coldness increase by seconds. She shivered a little.

"Matsumoto you will not question my commands anymore in the future. You will carry out the tasks I set for you without any questions or complaints. If I ever find you sleeping anyway near my office again, be sure that I will ban you from ever setting a foot inside the office. I do not need a useless Fukutaichou such as yourself and there are plenty of others, ready to take the challenge and would do better job than you. I would be glad to be rid of you. So if you don't carry out your responsibilities as a vice captain from now on, consider this my final warning."

He sat back on his seat and picked up his pen.

Rangiku felt a pit inside her stomach as the ground beneath her feet has just disappeared. An emptiness formed inside her heart when she watched the cold, heartless expression on the face of the one man she knew would never leave her side, despising her. It felt like her world just started crumbling down.

She looked down and took a moment to still herself. It looks like no matter what, he's not going forgive her for whatever she's done.

She took in a deep breath and bowed curtly before disappeared out the door.

Hitsugaya dropped the pen he was holding and sat for moment in silence, unable to move.

…

Rangiku was sparring with Kira that afternoon again.

"What's wrong Rangiku san?" Kira frowned as he blocked on her attacks. "You're not even paying attention to the simplest things."

"Say Kira, can vice captains be replaced?" she jumped from one side to the next and avoided his slash.

"I say they can." He jumped towards her.

"In that case, do you want to swap squads?"

Kira almost tripped over as he landed badly with shunpo. "What?"

"You've heard me." she slashed at him but stopped mid-air, he didn't even try to block it.

"What the hell are you talking about Rangiku san?"

"I think Taichou doesn't want me at his squad anymore."

"Don't be ridiculous."

She sat down next to him. "Or maybe I can leave everything and move to the world of the living. I heard there's always room for one more at Urahara's shop."

"Rangiku san" Kira almost yelled. "Stop talking nonsense. If he's mad just find out what he's mad about and fix it."

She stood up. "I don't know if that will fix anything."

She sheathed her katana and started walking away when Kira yelled. "Rangiku san. There might be some people who might've seen you at the party."

She spun around. "Who?"

"The cleaners. They were in charge of cleaning up after party. They are always waiting until a certain hours at night before starting cleaning up. One of them might've seen you leave. And whoever you're with, might know what happened that time."

…

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning: Citrus. **

**Chapter** **4**

Rangiku's was running through the corridor of the tenth squad buildings. It's late but it doesn't matter.

"Toshiro" she yelled and banged the door. "Open the door. I have to talk to you."

It took Toshiro a good few minutes to finally slide the door open and look at her with the utmost annoyance splattered across his face.

"Matsumoto. What is it now?" His hair was messy and he had no shirt on. Was he sleeping?

She didn't care that moment. "I have to talk to you."

He narrowed his eyes in irritation. "Couldn't it wait til tomorrow?"

"No." she pushed him back and stormed inside.

"I have to…." She stopped abruptly. Her eyes widen.

A girl wrapped in sheets, clearly naked, was lying on his bed and looking at her curiously through the open door of his bedroom.

"As you can see I have company." Toshiro crossed his arms sternly.

So, he wasn't sleeping.

Rangiku forgot the words to everything she wanted to tell him. "I… umm… "

Why does seeing another girl in his bed surprise her so much? He's a grown man.

_But what about saving himself for true love? _She shook her head and brush the thought away.

"What is it Matsumoto?" He watched her through narrowed eyes.

"I… I…" she stuttered a little at first. "Umm… I spoke to some people who saw me at the party that night." She walked to another spot of the living room where she won't have to see the girl staring at her.

His jaw tightened. "Are you here to waste more of my time Matsumoto?"

"No I…" Rangiku stopped and took in a deep breath. "I… know it was you who took me home that night."

Toshiro clenched his fist. "Please leave Matsumoto."

"Did I… say something to you? Something mean? While I was drunk?"

"Leave" he stepped close to her and grabbed her wrist then dragged her towards the main door.

"Toshiro" she pulled her hand away from him. "Did I do something to you?"

Her crystal blue eyes met his cold turquoise ones. "Please tell me what I did so that I can make things even?"

_Even_? Toshiro could feel the anger rising. Recalling everything just increases the humiliation further.

"I am so sorry Toshiro. When I drink too much… sometimes it's… hard to be in control… " she stopped as suddenly pushing her aside Toshiro walked towards his bedroom.

Moments later the girl on his bed was seen quickly running out of the bedroom clutching her cloths and then she disappeared out the door. Toshiro locked the main door behind her and turned to face Rangiku.

She swallowed, the look in his eyes was dangerous, it's warning of something like a thunder storm.

"To… Toshiro. If I've done something inappropriate to you, please forgive me. You're my dearest friend. You're like my family. You're my only family." Her words were almost choking her, she felt fear, confusion and guilt welling up inside her eyes as tears. "If I've done something like…"

"Like what?" His voice thundered inside the small room. He took a step towards her.

"Umm… if I've said something mean… if I've insulted you… "

"You don't even remember what happened that night Matsumoto." His voice was low and emanating danger. "Whatever you did was so meaningless to you… that you don't even remember…"

"Toshiro…" her words stuck in her throat as he was now standing in front of her. She looked into his burning turquoise eyes in bewilderment.

"Matsumoto" his voice was low and deep like a growling animal.

She gasped as he pushed her against the wall with his hand on her stomach and leaned forward, face only inches away from hers, "If I take you right here right now… are you going to remember it tomorrow?" his hand kept her pinned against the wall.

"Ta…Take me?" Her eyes were bursting out of their sockets.

He leaned even closer and his unshaved face brushed against her cheek, she shivered. He chewed the next words out slowly, "Yes. Matsumoto. To finish what we started that night of the party."

Her eyes were wide in shock and she felt her heart speeding out of her chest in dread of what is coming next.

He pulled on her top and instantly it was untucked. His hand was cool on her skin, she felt goosebumps all over her body. He slowly, almost caressingly, slide one of his hands across her stomach towards her back and with the other hand he grabbed her one wrist and pulled it behind her.

She closed her eyes as his lips were placing heated kisses on her exposed neck. She tried biting her lips to suppress the escaping gasps.

"… Toshiro…" her voice was shaky and her free hand was trembling as it reached out to touch his face. He pushed it away.

"We are going to make everything even tonight, Rangiku." He suddenly moved without letting go of her then crouched down and picked her up over his shoulder.

Her heart stopped beating for a moment, so did her breathing. She didn't know how everything is so quickly going out of control. It was as if she was only a puppet and her body is doing everything he wants it to, which is basically not resisting him in doing whatever he wants to with it.

She found herself on her feet once again and she was standing next to his bed. "Toshiro… we shouldn't…"

"Matsumoto." He growled. She watched him fearfully as his beautiful face turned into a scowl. "I. Don't. Care."

And she was pressed against him forcibly and he was claiming his kiss from her lips. He tore her top away from her and she could do nothing but surrender herself to his will. Her hakama came off next.

Like a mannequin he picked Rangiku up again and lied her flat on his bed before straddling on top of her. With his strong hands he grasped her wrists and locked them next to her. His face was impassive except his eyes.

They were afire with desire. She shivered as his gaze bore into her soul.

He slowly leaned forward and whispered. "You're beautiful Rangiku." She felt her stomach did a flip. His lips burned the skin of her jaw as he softly placed a kiss there, "the perfect woman…" he trailed down towards her neck.

She arched her body with a gasp as one of his hands was on her, caressing and kneading, gently. She groaned.

He whispered again. "You're perfect."

"Why… " she managed to utter a question in between his slow touches as he played her body like a skilled musician.

"Why?" he froze on her neck.

"Why now?" her voice was pleading. Was it for him to continue or to answer the question, he couldn't tell.

His eyes were on her again. She could see the anger behind them.

"Always Rangiku. Not now. Always." He growled. Her eyes widen. "But you've never noticed have you?"

She took in a sharp breath, feeling exposed and vulnerable being naked under his piercing gaze. Next his hand was on her face, gently caressing her cheek and brushing her lips with his thumb.

He leaned forward for another kiss but she stirred. She tried to slowly regain the control of the situation. "Toshiro." He stopped with his face few inches from hers. She could see her own face reflected on his pupil.

"If … it has always been … we shouldn't do this… not like this …"

His jaws clenched again. "Why shouldn't we Matsumoto? Is it because you don't find me worthy of your time?"

"No… I never meant…" she was panicking, still pinned under him. She realised her position has left at a disadvantage.

She wanted to sit up but he pushed her back down.

"Then what is it?" he scowled as he looked down on her from top. "If I was that bartender, you'd be all over me… right?" He leaned forward and placed a bite and a burning kiss on her neck.

She squirmed, not knowing whether it was his kiss or awkwardness from his allegation that made her do that. A feeling of dread stirred inside her stomach.

"Toshiro…" she started talking again but he shut her up by forcing his mouth on hers. She whimpered. His tongue force its way inside her mouth and she couldn't put up any resistance.

Then he started towards her throat and chest. "You're beautiful Rangiku. But you're also disgusting… you disgust me. You are nothing more than a cheap whore."

She felt like someone has just knocked the air out of lungs. She felt her eyes welling up. The hatred and malice dripping from his words, stabbed like a poisoned blade at her heart.

"Toshiro…"

He didn't care that she was gasping for air. He didn't care about what she felt or thought. He didn't care about the tears that trailed down her cheeks. She let out a whimper.

"All these times… I've waited…" he mumbled in between his steamy kisses. His hand slid up to her chest. The way he caressed her, made her let out an unexpected gasps in between her sobs.

"I watched…" he moved down towards her chest and his lips joined his hands.

She arched her back and squirmed, biting her lips to stop herself from letting out any sound. "Toshiro … please…"

"… You ran after Ichimaru…" he bit her a little. She gasped louder.

"… Who treated you like dirt… for years… yet you wanted him…" he again started climbing up. "… when he died… night after night I watched you take a different man to bed at night… no matter how much I'm there for you… you never saw me… "

He looked at her in the eyes. Her face is flushed, hair sticking to her face and her eyes looking at him, pleading. His heart made a lurch at that sight. He looked away from her eyes.

"… You're so beautiful Matsumoto" he buried his face on in her hair. "I've always thought so, since the first day I've met you." he surrender his weight on top of her as he continued speaking on her neck.

Rangiku sobs stoped at her throat. She extended her hands from her side to wrap them around him. "Oh Toshiro… "

He was angry again as he pulled away from her. "Don't you dare pity me Matsumoto! You were the one who wasn't worth my feelings… you're…"

He pulled her hands away from him and pulled them up above her head and held them in place. Her face twisted in slight pain.

"… You're nothing more than a cheap whore…. Who will have anything or anyone in her bed just to satisfy her need… you were never worth the feelings I've wasted on you… and I will not… ever again."

"Toshiro…" the words hurt her somewhere inside her heart she knew existed. Her arms and legs went numb and everything around her was turning into a blur.

"From now on, you mean nothing to me." His eyes were burning. "If being a whore is what you want… I will treat you like one." he kissed her again crazily.

He sat up, removed his hakama and crawled up her. Then holding her legs he pulled them apart. "Toshiro… wait…" She pleaded.

He ignored her pleas and slid inside her. She let out a gasp. There was no physical pain, but the mixture of feeling inside of her she hurt more than any physical pain.

He moved so incredibly gently it made her wonder if he was ever really angry. There has been only one man who touched her like this before. It wasn't hungry or violent but sweet. His hands caressed her body and he buried his face on her neck.

Her lips started bleeding from biting so hard, as she used all her self-control to not moan or yell out his name.

"_Oh Toshiro_…" she thought, "_Even when you hate me… you can't be violent… "_

Her mind was slowly dissipating into oblivion as the pleasure was building up inside of her. She couldn't keep biting her lips and started moaning in pleasure to his perfectly rhythmic and gentle moves.

When he finished, she looked at him as he rested his face on her chest. The looked on his face was of utter defeat. But when he realised she was looking at him, it changed to its usual impassive self. He pulled himself away from her and stood up.

She pulled on the sheets around her and looked up at him. Tears have dried and left visible trails on her face. He looked practically guilty when he saw that.

"You should leave now." he turned his back towards her.

Rangiku stood up with the sheet around her and picked up her cloths.

He was wearing his hakama when she turned around to face him.

"I hope we are even now, Taichou." After saying that she walked out of the bedroom then his apartment with a single look at his face.

He slouched down on his couch as soon as the door closed behind her with his head rested on his hands; face twisted hideously in pain and confusion.

Everything is a mess now.

It was dark in her apartment as she crouched down against the wall, hugging her knees. She wanted to cry but nothing came out.

…

Hitsugaya Toshiro didn't sleep all night. With bloodshot eyes he arrived at the office at the earliest hours of the morning, thinking to finish the much needed paperworks before Matsumoto arrives and he could leave early.

Naturally he was shocked out of his wits when the first think his eyes fell on was hers. Both watched each other silently.

The usual brightness and happiness was missing from her face. She flustered a little at the sight of him and was the first one to look away.

Toshiro hesitated for a few seconds before closing the door behind him to approach his desk. He took in a deep breath before started going through his papers.

What followed was the most awkward hour of her and his life.

Rangiku tried her hardest to keep herself impassive. But it's not working. A pain resembling loss of a loved one has ravaging her insides. She suddenly stood up from her desk and wordlessly exited the room.

The next day, Hitsugaya Toshiro had no clue where his vice-captain was.

She timidly walked in to the office the day after and placed a form on his desk. His face was cold, stony and distant.

"I spoke to Kyoraku Taichou. He has a task that needs to be looked after at the world of the living. I volunteered but I need your okay before I can go…"

Before she could finished her sentence, he pulled the paper towards him and signed without reading a single word and past it back towards her.

If he had looked up to see her face, he could've seen the permanent look of hurt on her face. He would've also noticed the pale of her skin, the bags under her eyes and the dry unbrushed hair.

But he didn't.

She took the form and disappeared out the door.

…

**Note: Yep made a mess didn't I. (Lemons/limes aren't my thing, but fun to write nevertheless. hihi)**

**P.S. The reviews are awesome. Please keep 'em coming! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Rangiku was more than a little tipsy when she knocked the new and improved version of Urahara's candy shops front door. An elderly woman opened the door and smiled at her fondly. "Rangiku san, you're back."

"Yeah." She staggered inside the house. "Sorry to keep you up so late Ururu Chan. Is everyone asleep?"

The woman smiled sweetly. "You didn't keep me up. And everyone is still up and waiting for you in the living room. There is an unexpected guest."

Rangiku frowned in confusion. An unexpected guest? Being drunk and facing unexpected things don't go real well together.

She balanced herself by holding on to the wall before taking off her flashy new shoes she bought for herself within the first few days of her time here.

"Come in" she slid open the door after Urahara's always cheery voice yelled out the permission. For the whole of next moment she thought she has lost her ability to balance herself as her eyes fell on the turquoise eyes of her captain.

An unexpected chill shivered the spines of everyone that was sitting around the round table. He looked at her as if to scrutinise everything about her. She felt completely exposed under her overly expensive white knee length sun dress and the denim vest.

"Rangiku chan." Urahara chirped loudly. "Welcome back. Look your captain is here to see you."

She tore her eyes away from his soul freezing stare and looked at Urahara before producing a smile with great effort. "Thank you Urahara san."

"We're having some tea. Would you like some?"

"Thank you" she wanted nothing more than to just run and hide.

She carried herself and sat down in between Tessai and Yoruichi, who is busy filing her nails. She looked at Rangiku sideways, expression unreadable.

"So Hitsugaya Taichou. You were telling us about…" Urahara started his conversation.

Rangiku stared at the cup of tea on front of her, feeling the shiver each word uttered by him was sending through her skin.

For some reason the otherwise overly loud Yoruichi sitting next to her didn't say much. And she was the first to stand up and pull Urahara out, while complaining that she needs to sleep and Kisuke needs to accompany her. Urahara Kisuke was more than happy to comply with a smile that both sly and nervous.

When Tessai followed them out with the empty tea cups, she was left alone in the room with him. He watched her intently.

She was trying to gather her composure all the while, and miserably failed. She found herself looking down at the table in front of her or her hands on her lap.

"Matsumoto" his voice sent another wave of chilled shiver down her spine and she looked at him. Did he look a little pale? His eyes were cold, sharp and somewhat brighter than usual. "I've been told that your mission had been finished almost a week ago?"

"Yes, I was taking some time off" she looked down again while trying hard to not to let her voice crack in her nervousness. The alcohol she had at the bar has left her more than a little incapable of controlling her emotions.

"Well, you've taken enough break. I came to escort you home. Start packing up."

This isn't an apology. This is as far from an apology as it can get. She wanted to be angry. She was angry. She shot a heated glare towards him. How dare he wants to take away her free time!

"We'll be leaving first thing in the morning." His eyes almost bore a hole through her.

She quickly stood up and sped out of the room leaving Hitsugaya frowning by himself. She felt the chill in the room increase as she slid the door close behind her. She had to leave before her self-control completely deserts her.

Locking her bedroom door behind her she slid down on the floor and loudly sighed in relief. This is more difficult that she imagined.

Without changing she let herself sink on the soft bed and drifted into sleep where everything is simple.

Through the open window he watched her serene face for few moments. She is always the most perfect thing, especially when she sleeps. The white dress was making her look more captivating.

A pained look of regret and guilt covered his face before he sighed and stood up to find his designated bed for the night somewhere in the house.

…

As she tidied the small guest bedroom up like it was before she moved in, there was a knock on the door.

"Rangiku san. Do you need help with anything?" the pinkish gleams of her cheeks has never left.

"It's nothing" she smiled. "I've taken enough advantage of your hospitality Ururu Chan."

"It was my pleasure." Ururu smiled.

She started shoving down the little dresses and trinkets she bought from her shopping trips.

"Wish I could stay longer…" she muttered, her face was dark.

"Matsumoto." Both of them startled. He was standing outside the room. "Are you ready yet?"

She sighed. "Thank you for having me over Ururu chan. It's always lovely seeing you." she smiled at her. Ururu watched her worriedly.

"It's always lovely to see you too Rangiku san."

She zipped her bag and took out the soul pill and looked at it. "Please say my goodbyes to Urahara san and Yoruichi san when they return."

"Will do." Ururu smiled.

She swallowed he pill and burst out of the gigai. Slowly she walked out of the room and faced her captain, covered in his beige cloak. She hoped god that her thumping heartbeat couldn't be heard as she walked past him. He nodded in curtsy towards Ururu before following her out the door.

She waves Ururu goodbye before disappearing inside the Senkaimon. Her smile faded as soon as the gate closed behind her.

Hitsugaya shot her a single glance before started speeding through the world of precipice.

When she woke this morning she realised she has to stop procrastinating and think of a way to what to do next. One thing she's sure of is that she isn't going to forgive him unless he begs for it. But she knows him better than anyone and she knows he will never do that.

She is going to fight ice with ice. She's going to deal with his cold fury with a stone cold careless heart.

But the sight of him makes this hard. Really hard. How can one not care about a part of their own self? Especially if that part is hurting.

It was a silent run until they reached soul society.

She dropped the bag and panted heavily. Keeping up with his is harder than it looks. He waited for her for moment before he spoke.

"Why didn't you report of your whereabouts after you've finished your work?"

She startled up straight. Her eyes querying his emotions behind the cold glare.

"I didn't think it mattered." She spoke curtly, then picking up her bag to head off toward the quarters.

She stopped when he grabbed her arm tightly. "Matsumoto. I am your captain. You need to tell me where you are. For weeks there was no news of you."

She pulled her arm out of his grasp heatedly. "I told you, I needed a break… "

"Matsumoto!" he growled. "I am your captain. Next time, you let me know where you are and what you are doing." He swiftly turned around and disappeared with shunpo.

…

First day back in the soul society and it welcomes her with night long insomnia. Even after a long day of running around reporting to Kyoraku Taichou on her mission and catching up with other necessary office works. Tossing and turning on her futon, she fruitlessly tried to force herself to sleep. Before long she realised it was already white outside and she got up from her bed abandoning all hopes of falling asleep. It's been a while she's seen the training ground.

She was resting from her practice exercise when a group tenth squad girls arrived at the training field, unaware of her presence as she sat with her back against the wall, obscured from anyone entering the training field. She didn't pay any attention to their chitchat until she heard her name.

"… I told her not to get too excited. Everyone knows Hitsugaya Taichou was just using her to replace Matsumoto Fukutaichou. She wouldn't listen. Now there's no point crying over spilt milk… or knickers in this case… "

"Is it true what they say about them? Isn't he like centuries younger than her?"

"You know how she is. I don't think that matters to her"

"Well he's not that much better than she is either, is he? It finally turned out that both captain and his lieutenant are so alike each other... "

"Good Morning girls" all of them stopped frozen at the moment she spoke. They look on their face was utter bewilderment and horror. Some of them even flushed red.

"Gossiping about your own captain behind his back?" she stood up tiredly.

"Ma… Matsumoto Fukutaichou…" one of them stuttered out, "we didn't know you're back."

She walked past them lazily. "What Taichou does in his private life, should be none of your business. I would be careful if I were you. You wouldn't want anyone to think that you're not happy being part of the tenth squad." she smiled tiredly, "No one like a deserter."

She slowly walked away. _A replacement?_

She had the deepest frown on her face. What had he been upto while she was away?

…

She waited outside the office for a good 2 minutes before walking in. Hitsugaya looked at her and went back to his papers. She wordlessly approached her desk and swiftly started going through any pending works that have been laying there for the last 4 weeks.

Several minutes passed and no one spoke. She shot him few sideways glances but he was completely absorbed within his work. Or at least he made it look like that.

Seeing the face she knows and loves so stiff and tense, her plan of giving him the cold shoulder evaporated out the window. And the gossips about him this morning only intensified her concern.

"Taichou." She gathered her courage and called him. "Have you been… well?"

His turquoise eyes were on her instantly. He watched her for millisecond before returning to their place on the paper in front of him. "Yes."

He spoke, without going off at her. She hid a sigh of relief under her breath and felt a slight ray of joy inside her heart. Her weakness for him made her want to scowl at herself but she soon changed her mind.

"Have you?" After the long pause he asked. She thought it sounded hesitant and awkward.

She was initially shocked at his question. But quickly realised how badly she wanted to have a normal conversation with him. The feeling was as blissful as a refreshing glass of cold water in a hot summer afternoon.

"Yes. Definitely. They took very good care of me at Urahara's." Somehow a smile appeared on her face.

She wasn't sure but the look in his eyes trembled as he saw her smile. He quickly looked away and focused on his papers.

The whole day he continued to avoid working with her and left her with most of the paperwork. This time she didn't complain. The day as uneventful as it can get. Until that evening as she's got out of a cleansing shower after the day's work and Momo started to almost beat the door down.

"Momo Chan?" before she could finish her exclamation Momo wrapped her in a hug. She is still as little as she was when she was younger.

"Rangiku san. Why did you take so long to get back?" she finally let her go and closed the door behind her.

"Oh you know…" she couldn't possibly tell her the real reason. "… Shopping and stuff. I've got you something too."

"Oh I don't care about that. Have you seen the state Shiro Chan is in?"

"The state?" Rangiku was surprised. "He seemed all fine and dandy to me."

Momo sighed as she sunk down in the couch. "Well, that's only an act. You know that right?"

"I didn't actually." She poured the hot water to make tea for the both of them. She can't read him anymore. Though he did seem a little pale.

Momo watched her carefully. "Can you tell me what actually happened between you two?"

Rangiku almost burned her tongue with hot tea. "Nothing. Everything's fine."

"I don't believe you." Momo declared.

"Nothing happened Momo." She refused to say anything.

Momo sighed. "Why did you disappear the last 4 weeks?"

"I was on a mission Momo."

"Oh come on! You barely ever go on missions leaving Shiro Chan alone. You two are inseparable." She breathed in. "and now suddenly you left for 4 weeks to the land of the living, just after you two were fighting about something. It's not hard to put 2 and 2 together."

"Momo chan. We had a little… argument. But it's okay. It doesn't matter anymore. We're even now. "She uncomfortably looked away from her eyes. "There won't be any fights with him."

"Why are you asking me all these Momo? What happened to him? "

Momo grabbed her temple. "He's been drinking and smoking Rangiku san. Smoking. Toshiro." She looked at her pleadingly. "I would never have believed if I didn't see with my own eyes. And that's not even the worst of it."

Rangiku stopped sipping her tea midway. "What is?"

"He's been seen going home with a lot of girls. A different girl each time." Momo's shook her head in disbelief. "What happened to him suddenly? I never thought…" Momo looked at her with bright big eyes, "it was as if he's deliberately trying to prove something… forcing himself to do something he'd never do… " Momo's eyes were pleading. "Please Rangiku san. Do you know anything about this?"

Rangiku sat there speechless. A number of weird emotions swirled themselves around her stomach.

"A different girl? Each time?" she stuttered. Suddenly her memory flashed back to that night. She frowned deeply and tried to suppress the warmth that's spreading on her face. The flashback feeling of his cool skin on hers is not easy to forget.

"Yeah." Momo looked at her from her cup of tea. "He's been acting really weird Rangiku san, since you've left. So please, whatever it is, fix it."

Rangiku's grip on her cup tightened.

…


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Rangiku pursed her lips tight disapprovingly. "Momo." Her voice was cool, clearly with a lot of effort on her part.

Momo looked at her inquisitively.

"I don't think it's up to me to fix anything. He's old enough to decide things for himself."

"I thought you said you two are not fighting anymore."

Rangiku stood up. Collecting the empty tea cups, she walked towards her small kitchen and replied, "Yep. No fighting. Or anything else for that matter."

"Rangiku san." Momo frowned at her as she started washing the dishes with her back towards her. "I don't like what he's been doing. There must be something we could do."

This time she was annoyed. "Momo. Toshiro is a grown man. He doesn't need me or you to baby him anymore. He's past that age a long time ago. If he wants to screw a different girl every night, it's not my…our place to… have an opinion." her voice was steady and emotionless.

"Rangiku." Momo exclaimed after her choice of words, "What are you saying?"

"Simply that it's none of our business what he does in his personal life."

"He loves you." Momo stood up and suddenly became serious. "Like a man loves a woman."

Rangiku's busy hands stopped for a moment. She thanked all the deities there ever existed that she was not facing Momo at that exact moment.

"Momo. It's late. Please go home."

"Rangiku san, please tell me what happened…"

"Momo!" her voice vibrated menacingly inside her small kitchen. "I'll see you later."

Momo stared at her back for few minutes before muttering her goodbyes and leaving the apartment.

The moment she was gone, Rangiku stooped her shoulders and scowled. She was angry, hurt and confused, all at the same time.

He loves her? Yet he won't…

She dropped the unfinished dishes and slowly slipped out the small balcony and jumped up on the tiled roof.

Sitting down she hugged her knees and shuddered as she remembered that night. She could remember his every touch that boiled the blood in her veins and his every word that sent blood in the same veins to chill.

If only someone would tell her what to feel.

She suddenly jumped off the roof and stormed towards his quarter.

"Why are you here?" Toshiro's voice spoke of imminent danger.

She stilled her heart at the sight of freshly showered shirtless form with tamed wet hair, which only messed with the mixture of feelings inside her. Everything about the current moment reminds her about that night. But she kept her voice firm "Can I talk to you?"

"About what?" he eyed her with suspicion.

She took in a sharp breath. "Momo is chewing my ears off. She thinks I have something to do with your…" she crossed her arms and looked away. "... I don't know... fall from grace or whatever."

He frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"The way you've been acting since… "Her face reddened a little as she averted her eyes away from his, still angry.

He spoke after a moment of silence. "I don't want to talk about this."

She glared at him heatedly. For a moment she wished she could burn him to ashes.

"_This_?" Her voice was quiet yet the anger that emanated from that single word was obvious.

He looked uncomfortable. For the first time in a while he was a little alarmed.

"Or did you think just by not talking about it, it would go away?" Rangiku chewed out the next words.

He sighed, he knew they would have to talk eventually. "Matsu… Rangiku." suddenly the cold indifference vanished from his face and he spoke with clarity. "Do you want to have a sit?"

Her eyes widen a little. They were still standing at the door. Silently she stepped inside. He leaned in to close the door behind her and she jumped slightly in alarm.

A look of guilt played across his face for a moment but he quickly calmed and closed the door before walking inside.

"Tea?" Toshiro casually walked towards his kitchen leaving Rangiku to find a seat.

She gaped at his back with surprise. _Tea?_

She shook away her wonder and tried not to get distracted by his bare torso or the absence of_ I'm-going-chew-your-head-off_ attitude. She reminded herself she was angry. Very angry.

It doesn't matter if he's the adorable boy she cherished and cared for or the man who protected and stood by her all these years. Or that it is so painfully hard to look away from him. It was only a matter of time he went all dark and playboy-y. But that's not the issue here.

She's very very angry because…

"Tea?" he asked again, looking at her intently. It's been a while since he looked at her like that.

"Umm… okay…!" she looked away and hid a slight blush and quickly mentally chastised herself for feeling like this. Some tea would be good for this sudden case of dry throat she's experiencing.

He handed her the steaming cup of tea, making sure that their fingers don't touch.

They sat across from one another, occasionally locking their gaze.

Finally Rangiku cleared her throat. "It's Momo..."

His eyebrows raised a little.

"… She thinks… she suspects something happened between us…" she paused and realised how hard it is to talk about this. Once again she feels exposed under her yukata. "She thinks I've got something to do with how you've been acting out with all the sudden drinking smoking and… girls."

His eyes widen a little. She spied a sense of discomfort in his posture. Rangiku waited a long moment for his response which never came. He sat there uncomfortably, staring at his cup.

"Do you have anything to say about that?"

"Does it bother you?" he suddenly looked at her straight. Something inside her chest stirred.

"Huh?" she asked before she could think.

"All these… things, you've heard about me… does it bother you?" his jaws have tightened and the turquoise eyes were burning again.

She stuttered under the intensity of his gaze. "Me?"

"Yes. Matsumoto. You."

Again a long silence, and no one spoke for the minute that stretched away.

It does.

"It's none of my business what you do with who." she worked hard at keeping her voice calm.

"Well, in that case…" he finally looked away. "Why are you here?"

"She also thinks that… you love me." she didn't know her face would heat up when she says that, but it did, very quickly and profusely. "Like… _love me_ love me…"

He almost burnt his tongue with the tea. That Momo! He wanted to strangle her. He pressed down his temple and took in a frustrated breath. "I need to have a chat with her about it."

It was another moment they sat there uncomfortably.

"Toshiro… that night…."

"Rangiku." He looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry for all the dirty things I've called you. You should know that's not what I think you are."

She looked at him wide eyed. He's asking for forgiveness. But only for ...

"Are you seriously asking for forgiveness for calling me a…?"

"Yes." He replied normally, as if that was all he did, used some bad words.

She couldn't believe this. It was as if calling her a whore was a major crime while treating her like one was something to forget about. She clenched her fist.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and both spun their head.

"Hitsugaya Taichou…" a faint girly voice called out for him from the other side. He speedily stood up and arrived at the door.

Rangiku spied a nervous looking girl behind his body.

"… Please don't come here anymore Yumi."

"… It's Yuki"

"Yuki. Don't come here anymore."

"…but…" her large brown eye momentarily landed on Rangiku through the openings between his torso and limbs.

"Goodnight" He slammed the door shut.

Rangiku's clenched fist tightened their grip as she focused her glare on her cuppa tea in front of her. As he sat back down in front of her she spoke up.

"I lied." she hissed "It bothers me."

He looked at her with his eyebrows raised inquisitively.

"It bothers me how you're treating these girls like toys. Just like it bothered me when you threw me out like garbage after you made lo… forced me… argh… I don't know… whatever that was… and … umm… it bothers me." she barked with a slight redness on her cheeks.

She bit her lips and tried to control the flood of feelings that is pouring into her chest. She took a deep breath and calmed her voice, "It bothers me that you never had the decency to say sorry and instead treated me like a slave at work… always going off like a time bomb… like I've done something wrong. Even if you beg, I don't know if I can forgive…"

"I'm not going to ask you to forgive me Rangiku." His voice was eerily calm, eyes watching her every move.

He's not even a bit sorry? She looked at him incredulously. What happened to all his morals and ethics?

"I don't think you should forgive me." he looked tired and rested his temple on his hands.

She frowned in surprise. _Why?_

He stood up. His eyes hooded, she couldn't read anything in them anymore. "It's getting late."

He's telling her to leave. Why does he look like all hope is lost for him? She was confused again.

"Toshiro…" her voice trembled.

Out of all the feelings stirring inside her chest the feeling to comfort him grew stronger. She wanted to touch him.

"Go home."

She took a moment to herself then silently followed him to the front door, he slid it open for her. As she stepped outside the door she turned around and looked at him in the eyes. "Can you at least stop with all your moodiness at work Toshiro?"

"I'll see you tomorrow Matsumoto." his stone face has reappeared.

"You'd think that you'd be treated better by the person who loves you." She muttered loudly in annoyance as he was about the slide the door close behind her. The door stopped midway and she turned around to look at his face questioningly.

His lips were pursed into a thin line and jaws tighten and she noticed a hint of redness on his cheeks. He pushed opened the door again and took in a deep breath. She realised he's trying to calm himself. Then he looked at her with eyes burning, and a thin smirk appeared on his lips for a millisecond before disappearing behind the frown.

"Here's a question for you, Matsumoto."

Her eyebrows raised first then eyes widen as he stepped outside the door, stepping towards her.

She cowered back, against the wall of the corridor with her mouth gaping at him.

He placed his hands on the wall next to her and leaned towards her. He took his time taking in the horrified look on her face with sad eyes then sighed loudly, "why didn't you stop me that night?"

"Umm…" she couldn't take her eyes off his. It was just like before, she felt her body was not listening to her brain.

He leaned forward again, avoiding touching her by inches. "'_stop_' or '_no'_ aren't that hard to say are they?"

She felt his warm breath on her face while trying to blend into the wall behind her.

"I'm not using that as an excuse or anything." he sighed again and looked away. Slowly pulling away he muttered. "I'll never lay a finger on you again Matsumoto. Be sure of that."

Leaving her still pressed against the wall he walked back inside his apartment. Before closing the door he muttered, "Have a good night Rangiku."

She stayed rooted to the spot, trying to calm her speeding heart that is about the burst out of her chest.

...


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_"Why didn't you stop me?"_

She ran off the moment he disappeared behind his door. As soon as she reached her apartment she crouched down and panted heavily, grasping the wall.

She felt her heart beating faster than anything she knew, sending her body temperature sky high.

For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her. And for a moment she wanted him to.

She can't see the little boy in him anymore. He's a whole different entity now. Something new and exciting.

It's not only him, everything else felt different suddenly. It was as if the most normal thing in this world has lost its normality. Nothing is ever going to be the same again.

She scowled for no apparent reason, as if to vent out her frustration at all these confusing feelings in her.

"Matsumoto Fukutaichou?" she spun around. A tenth squader was looking at her with shock. "Are you okay?"

"Umm yes…" she stood up instantly, erasing the smallest sign of any emotion from her face she commanded. "As you were."

She calmly opened her door and lock it behind her. Then stood there with her back against it and sighed.

…

He has been staring at her door for more than a minute now. For the life of him, he couldn't understand why he's here.

This is unnecessary. He could just send her a messenger. Or see her in person at the office.

But instead he's here, staring at her door, trying to make himself cross the last few feet towards it.

Rangiku was staring her front door. It's only a few feet but to her crossing that would also mean crossing over to another realm, where everything is upside down, inside out.

He's going to be late if he spends his morning standing here staring at her door. There's also the chance of her barging out of her apartment anytime now. In fact, it's already late. She should be at the office by now.

He needs to finish this and leave for his appointment. He took a deep breath, his fingers fidgeted with the piece of paper inside his pocket.

She frowned and played with her necklace for a few more minutes. This is getting ridiculous. He's still the same person, there is no reason to be scared of him.

Is she honestly scared of _him_? Or is it something else?

Who knows! Right now all that matters is that she makes herself open that door, leave her apartment and start the day.

She took a step forward and reached for the door.

Knock.

She immediately jumped back the step she'd just taken.

"Matsumoto."

She wanted to jump further back at that.

"Are you there?"

"I… umm…yes…" her reply slipped out of her mouth faster than she could stop herself. She opened the door slowly.

Both awkwardly looked at each other and the silence stretched out for longer than any conversational pause should.

"Did you sleep well?"

Err… what? She scowled inwardly.

"Yes. I did." Her courage is coming back a little by little. See, he isn't that scary.

"Here" he suddenly took a step towards her and her flight mechanism made her want to jump back. Spoke too soon.

She looked at the folded paper he was holding.

"What is it?"

"Your instruction for the day. I can't be at the training session today so you're taking over. I have a … personal matter to take care of."

_Personal matter?_ Hitsugaya Toshiro doesn't have any personal matter to take care of without her knowledge. But maybe he does now. Things have changed so much.

"Should I ask?" her old habit took over for a second.

A tick appeared on his forehead. "No. You shouldn't. Take it."

Their hands lightly touched each other's and she quickly withdrew, as if she was electrocuted. The process almost tore the note out of his grasp.

He looked a little uneasy at that.

"Make sure you carry out the steps. Make a check list if that helps. I want these new graduates to be better than that any of the other squads." He turned around. "I won't be back today. I'll see you at the office tomorrow. I hope for a good report on how it goes today."

She watched him walking away from her as she clutched the piece of paper on her hands.

…

She arrived at the office in the afternoon, tired from all that exertions of training a bunch of new graduates who have no clue how to keep themselves and their team mates safe.

It's been a long day. But she's happy about it. She's thankful that he wasn't anywhere near. It gives her some time to give her brain and heart a break, to relax, to be herself, and be normal for change.

Now, it's reporting time. She slowly gathered the files on each of these recruits and started going through them. Some of them were very promising.

She did notice a large number of girls in the team. Looks like the words of her captain's good works is reaching further these days. Hitsugaya Toshiro is one of the most powerful captains of Gotei 13, not to mention the most attractive. She wondered whether his new playboy reputation has something to do with this too.

This is always troublesome. She knows how love-struck young boys are, she has plenty of them around. They can barely concentrate on standing straight when she's around. But at least they try to please her by following her instructions. But with the Toshiro fangirls, she can barely get them to pay any attention to work. Some of them even look at her like she's the satan himself.

She sighed. There will be a wholesale supply of love letters this season. Their number has raised exponentially as Toshiro grew older. And not to mention colder, he never bothers looking at them like he used to when he was younger and shorter.

And she is usually the one cleaning up these broken hearted mess of shinigami girls. She did make a lot of good friends that way, they still come by for her in-depth love-advises.

But, young girls can be ruthless at times. She just doesn't want him getting tangled up in any dramas.

Like the one she herself tangled up in. With him!

That's it. She's asked for one day for these thoughts to leave her alone. Doing paperwork always has the aptitude of making her brain wander around elsewhere and bring up these buried unwanted feelings.

She opened the bottom drawer of her desk.

What! No sake!

That's it.

…

"Sake please." She asked rather heatedly. The bartender frowned at her. She knows the guy's quiet mad at her for ditching him after one night. But that's how it goes around here. She just hopes he doesn't spit on her drink.

Something white and shiny at the corner of her eyes made her look.

"Taichou." She exclaimed to herself.

He was sitting at a booth with someone, chatting. Why is he here? And the girl he's with, she looks familiar. She's seen her before.

But it's not her concern. He can drink with whoever he wants to.

Why is he smiling? That girl looks less interesting than the snails in her flower tub.

She gulped down another cup at the obscure corner of the bar. So far she has succeeded at avoiding his notice, but couldn't keep her eyes from darting towards them from time to time.

She remembered now who the girl is. She was looking at her file a while ago in the office. Some noble born princess, Okura Shiyomi, joined the squad recently. Although she wasn't at the training today.

"This is your third bottle Matsumoto." The bartender stated the obvious very sternly as he came over to her table and placed a new bottle in front of her.

"Keep 'em coming." She ordered and he rolled his eyes at her before leaving her alone.

Every cup sake is making her a little more herself and a little less of the mess she's been for days. It's been a while she's drunk this much. And it feels good.

She was on her fifth bottle when she noticed them leaving the table. That was a long conversation. She wondered what is there to talk about with a princess like that.

Unless it really was a personal matter.

Really? With that girl? Is that why the girl wasn't at the training today?

She felt the urge to drink a bit more, but something inside her stomach stirred.

Oh crap. She can't throw up here. She staggered up the table and found the wall to keep herself steady while approaching the restrooms.

She felt a little better after emptying her stomach of everything she's eaten the whole day. But afterwards she was exhausted. She wanted to sleep. Slowly she made it to the door of the restroom and staggered outside.

Grasping the walls she slowly took a step and as expected, felt the ground beneath her feet is rushing to meet her.

But someone grabbed her from behind with their hand around her stomach. She felt the familiar tingle on her body.

"Matsumoto." His voice was full of irritation. "I hope you remember my warning about drinking and being hangover in the office." He pulled her straight on her feet.

"I thought you've left." she heard her own slurred speech.

"Needed to use the restroom."

She pulled herself away from his grasp. "I'm fine. You can leave me now. I'm sure you need to take care of your _personal matter_ with that princess of yours." She retorted bitterly.

He frowned. "Stop saying pointless things and what I do during my personal time is not any your concern."

"I know that." she took a step with her hand on the wall. "So I'm telling you to not to worry about me… "

She couldn't finish her sentence before she was finally on the floor, managing to not flatten herself by crawling up on her all fours.

"Matsumoto!" called another voice. Before Toshiro could pick her up following his eye rolling, the man reached down towards her. "Do you need me to take you home?" Its the bartender. "I've just finished my shift."

Before Rangiku could manage a '_no_', Toshiro interrupted.

"No need. I will be taking care of my lieutenant." And she found herself being picked up by his strong hands and carried out of the pub. She thought his face looked extra stern.

"Let me go" she squirmed in his arms.

"You can barely walk." He replied, no intention of letting her go.

"I can walk."

"Fine." They have only crossed a couple of blocks after the pub. She stood on her feet without toppling over, albeit her hand was grabbing the wall.

"You can go do your thing now." she spat out.

"Why are you acting like this?" he asked.

"Why?" she almost screamed heatedly. "How dare you ask me… "She suddenly stopped. Why is she angry at him?

"I thought we've talk about… all that. And I promised that nothing like that will ever happen again."

She muttered. "That doesn't make what happened any less of a reality."

"I see, you're more troubled by it than I thought."

She was a little surprised at that. "And you're not? I thought you … "

She stopped again. She can't use the '_love'_ word here. Not now. Was it that easy? All he had to do is sleep with a dozen girls and now he's _cured_ of his feelings for her?

Wow. And she felt all those weird, unexplainable emotions for nothing.

"Never mind Toshiro." She slowly started walking.

The silence stretched out again as he watched her walking away from him in snail-speed.

"You know it will take you the whole night to get home at this speed." He spoke matter-of-factly.

She scowled and refused to answer.

A moment later he was walking next to her. "It will take me no more than few minutes to flash step you home. I promise to do it slowly, you won't feel queasy."

"Why do you care?" she chewed out without looking at him.

"I've always cared about you. It's nothing new." He said as if he's just talking about the weather or something.

Maybe it is like that to him. She's like a part of his everyday life like the weather. Nothing interesting.

And she knows all that. She knows how much he cares about her, she cares about him too. It's just she didn't know he had... other feelings for her.

Something else bothered her more than that. Does she have those feelings for him? After what happened, she can't look at him innocently anymore.

Can he? Even if he's _cured_ of his '_love_' for her. She's kind of started doubting what Momo had said to her about that.

"I've always cared about you too." She admitted, albeit a lot less coldly as he did.

"Why were you so mad about my meeting with Okura Shiyomi?" he asked again.

Was she? She thought she was just angry in general.

"It doesn't matter. It's not my business, as you've said."

He sighed loudly. She watched him slowly removing his cold mask away from his face.

"It was an assignment from the Okura family. They have contacted me regarding an issue which is kind of… sensitive. Since Okura Shiyomi kind of knew me from the party, she approached me in person and we decided to keep this to ourselves before getting the rest of the Gotei 13 involved." He explained. "I didn't want to bother you with this, I know… that things between us will not go back to normal soon."

What is normal anyway?

Her anger subsided a little. "You don't need to explain anything." She spoke softly.

"Now that you understand why I had to have the day off at the Okura family mansion and why I was having the private meeting with Okura, can I flesh step you home?"

She sighed and forfeited. She knew she would topple of over anytime. He picked her up gently.

With her arms around his neck the feelings of that night was rushing back to her body again and she flushed. As amazing as sake is at making her brave, it always leaves her open to emotions like this.

"Are you okay?" she was barely steady as she opened the door to her apartment and he held her arm tightly.

"Yes."

"Can you manage the walk to your bedroom?" He asked.

"I… think so." she stepped inside removing her arm from his. "Good night Tosh… Taichou."

He turned around to leave. Thump.

She's on the floor again.

He shook his head in frustration as he stepped inside and bent down to pull her up.

"You're always such trouble Matsumoto" he muttered.

"I'm sorry." She muttered shyly in his arms.

The apartment was dark, he could barely see where he was stepping. It's especially hard with her hanging from one arm.

"Thank you." she muttered again.

He looked sideways to find her face that is hidden beneath her bright wavy hair. He always thought that hair was the most beautiful thing in the world.

And again! She tripped on her inebriated feet. This time he was pulled in with her as she fell towards the ground face first. His protective instinct took over and both his arms tighten around her waist to turn her towards him and her face buried in his chest protectively.

She was underneath him, hair splayed around her face, hands clutching his Shihakushō collar tight, face only inches away from his. He lied on top of her, hands still on her waist, knees on the floor, keeping his weight up. He stared into the widened crystal blue eyes and realised, even in the darkness, that actually, those two eyes are the most beautiful thing in this world.

The time stopped as their breaths intermingled in between them and none of them spoke.

His body moved, he leaned closer, lips almost touching hers. He could feel her heart beating against his, at a speed that could match his own.

The time stayed still for another moment before it ticked again. So did his brain.

"Kiss me" she whispered.

His eyes widen. Did he hear that right?

"Please Toshiro."

He could hear the pleading in her voice. He wanted to. He wanted to crush those plump lips of hers against his, the lips which are the most beautiful thing in the world.

He wanted to taste her.

He wanted her.

…


	8. Chapter 8

**Excuse the delay. Messy stuff happening in reality, as you'd expect of it. **

**Chapter 8**

His breath was burning the side of her face as he moved slowly along her jaw. He closed his eyes, breathed in the smell of her hair and savoured the feel of her body against his, her heavy breathing next to his ears and the softness of her brightly flushed skin bathed in the moonlight. His lips ready and aching for the feel of her skin.

"Toshiro" she whispered again as his hand ran up her sides to her face. "Stay with me tonight."

All these is all too familiar. He pulled away a little and looked at her face cupped in his palm.

Her dishevelled hair, flushed cheeks, glistening skin underneath the Shihakushō that was rolling off her shoulder, half lidded eyes that are cloudy and unworldly told him the same thing he didn't want to know. She's drunk and again barely knows what she's saying.

He sighed and slowly sat up, pulling her to a seated position.

"We can't do this Matsumoto."

She mirrored his move and staggered up straight on her feet by grabbing the wall. Her eyes looked at him in disbelief.

He felt the sweat beads popping up on his forehead as he watched her face. He tried to explain as if to convince himself of his reasons, and not to plot up an excuse. "You're drunk and barely aware of what you're asking for... you'll wake up tomorrow and this will be a whole new mess..."

"I don't care!"

The intense look in her eyes almost made him lose control again. "And I promised to never touch you..."

"Well... that can be solved easily..." she closed the space between them and fell on him with a thump. Grabbing on to his collar she placed her mouth next to his ear and whispered sultrily "... because nothing is stoping_ me_ from touching _you_."

"Rangiku what are you..." before he could finish she shoved her face under his jaw and started kissing, biting, sucking his neck.

This is too much. He is fighting losing battle. And what a wonderful defeat it would be. "Rangiku..."

"Toshiro..." her mouth softly spoke his name on his neck and with both hands pushed his Shihakushō top and his haori off his shoulder. He put up no resistance as her soft hands roamed over his harden muscles, melting them down to a puddle of lust and heat. "Please… "

That was it for him. He shoved her back against the wall and hungrily devoured her mouth. This time it was a two player's game. Tongues intertwining slithering over the other, both demanding their pleasure like it's their right.

She moaned in his mouth which almost undid him. His hands groped for her backside and at the same time with his hips he pinned her against wall. Her hands pulled out of his hair and slid down his back towards his waist, pressing herself further against him.

"Rangiku..." he moved down to kissing her throat and neck. Releasing her backside his hands grabbed her thighs and pulled them up around him, while setting her weight on him. She let out a loud groan and arched her body to allow him better access to her neck and chest.

"Too... much... fabric..." he growled through gritted teeth and ripped the Shihakushō top off her and instantly buried his face in her chest. His rough hands, mouth and teeth found her oversensitive flesh. She yelped and moaned, while not attempting to hide any noise coming out of her mouth.

"Oh... God…. Toshiro..." her body shuddered at his firm and steady ministration and felt her body temperature skyrocketing.

Suddenly he hoisted her up while balancing her weight as she wrapped her long legs around him, mouth hungrily consuming his. Hurriedly he carried her to her bed and dropped her on her back before crawling on top of her on all fours, eyes relishing her look.

While her's were all but lost in a daze, half lidded as they looked up to him through her thick eye lashes. From her position under him she reached out and touched his face. "You are so… "

"What?" he asked, as he stayed still, hanging on top of her, trying not to let his instinct to crush down on her take over yet. He just wanted look down on her like this for a little longer, when she's nothing but all her raw sensuality, Rangiku in her natural form, a lustrous goddess of seduction with chest heaving from heavy breathing, gleaming soft skin that looks utterly edible, and the pair of enticing lips. He can taste them all day, until his own starts bleeding.

So beautiful.

"Big!" she finished her sentence.

His turquoise eyes widen in surprise.

"I meant… all grown up." she giggled like a little girl. Toshiro was suddenly conscious of himself. She never forgets to remind him how he was once that small boy she picked up like a puppy. Everything he is now he owes it to her.

And he's ready to give all that away to her.

The only problem is, would she do the same for him?

"Would you ever… think about us… together?" he asked, as the stiff, arrogant part of him that keeps his emotions locked up in that secret dungeon inside his heart was out of order at the moment.

"I'm thinking about it right now." She grinned again, her hands slid down gently, caressing his chest. He knew exactly what she was talking about and it's nowhere near the answer to his question.

He felt that nagging voice at the back of his head, warning him to stop this right now. Before he hurts himself again. Before he witnesses how little this will mean to her in the morning.

"What are you waiting for?" her voice was all sulkiness as she pouted, flipping that plump lower lip to express the displeasure at being left waiting.

Oh! What the heck!

He dove in and she broke into a giggle.

Who is he to refuse the pleading, playful, sultry, hot, mesmerizing and half naked Matsumoto Rangiku?

He might not be anyone special in her standard, might just be someone who happened to be at the right place at the right time. But right now it didn't matter.

At least for this single night, she's entirely his.

...

"He's left." She muttered to herself as she raised from under her messy pile of sheets and looked around.

Everything is as it should be, as it always has been, not a single sign of the previous night was in that bedroom. Except the memories left on her skin.

She felt herself blush very uncharacteristically at that thought. Slowly rising from her bed she found her reflection in the bathroom mirror looking back at her with an extra ordinary gleam she hasn't seen for a years.

She couldn't help replaying the events from previous night in her head in repeat. And it left her all but more flustered and wanting.

How wild and raw it was, and then it was sweet. She was lusted after, ravaged, longed for, cherished, adored and maybe even loved in that one single night.

She mentally chastised herself to come back to reality. As she ran her fingers through her hair foamed in shampoo, she tried to think about any conversation they might've had last night.

He wanted to know whether she would ever think of them together. That moment she was out of it. But now, if she thinks back, she didn't feel like it would be an entirely bad idea.

The rumours about them are already in everyone's ears.

And every night would have the potential to be like this. The thought instantly ran a surge of electricity through her body. Slowly she roamed her hands on her body, and realised, she is missing him, desperately.

…

She tiptoed inside the office building that morning. She was wondering if he'll be in the office but her spirit radar told her otherwise. But she did find a piece of half-eaten muffin and half empty cup of coffee on his desk. He must've left only a moment ago by the looks of the steam coming from the coffee.

"Do you know where Taichou is?" She craned inside the office next door and asked the crew who are hard at work.

"Hitsugaya Taichou left a few moments ago" a timid looking four-eyes answered.

"I thought he doesn't start his training supervision until later."

"He hurried away with a young shinigami girl." The young man shrugged and pushed his glasses with a finger. "We don't know why."

"Shinigami girl? Who is it?"

"She's new. Had blonde hair, tall, kind of looks like you. Wears purple ribbons on her hair."

That Okura Shiyomi girl. The slight fowl taste in her mouth couldn't dent her bubble of happiness as she turned and left for her own office.

As expected her mind wandered around places as she tried to focus on her paper work. Having flashbacks that made her face look like it was letting out a strange happy glow that is so unlike her. Even one of the subordinates who came in with papers and files looked at her weirdly.

"Did Taichou tell any of you when he'll be back?"

Before the boy could shake his head negatively, Toshiro stepped inside the office. She almost tipped the ink pot on her paperwork as she stood up instantly, her body was moving on its own.

Both stared at each other for an unnaturally long moment, expressionless. The boy bowed to him, then left them in the room before closing the door behind him.

"I… umm... hi… Tosh…Taichou." She was stuttering again and felt her face was warming up.

"Hi…" he replied with a face still as blank as anything. Yet his wasn't ignoring her. Nor is he moving, or doing anything. He simply watched her.

"Did you sleep well?" his voice was deeper than usual.

She nodded affirmatively. "Did you…?" she suddenly realised she doesn't know when he left her apartment. Should she ask?

He nodded slightly then opened his mouth with a look of scrutiny in his eyes. "Do you…" he took a step inside the room from his position next to the door. "… remember anything from last night?" his sounded uncertain.

This time she blushed. Of course she does. But she can't blame him for doubting that.

"Ye… yes." She realised her nod of assertion only made the look in his eyes more doubtful. She didn't understand it.

He nervously ran his fingers through his hair and moved towards his desk. Her eyes followed his every movement.

He rummaged through his papers attentively, as if to tune out her gaze on him. She waited for him to say something, yet he pretended to be absorbed in looking for whatever he was looking for.

"Did you want to ask… something?" she asked as he didn't make any attempt to continue the conversation.

_Would you ever think about us together?_

Yes. She would. Most definitely.

He stood still for a while, holding the document he was looking for. Again he ran his fingers through his hair hesitantly. "Matsumoto… if you are regretting… if you're worried about things becoming awkward between us… after what happened last night, I want you to know, you shouldn't worry…"

_Regret? Worry?_

She gaped at him, unable to make sense of these words inside her head.

Where is this question of regret coming from?

"I don't understand." She interrupted him with her tongue made of lead.

He watched her. "I mean, it was only one night. And we don't need to make this messy."

_One night! _

"I understand it's something you do and I'm also okay with it being what it is."

"And that is?" she felt her heart started palpitating as she clutched the base of her necklace tight with one hand. The other was gripping the edge of her table strongly.

"Just one night." His eyes were the shade of deep turquoise. She couldn't believe how emotionless he sounded.

"And you're okay with it?" she repeated his words like something snapped inside her.

"I am." He replied turning away and calmly walked out of the office.

…

Her face rested on her palms as she unmindfully doodled on her paperwork. She isn't even trying to pay attention anymore. Letting out a loud sigh of frustration she slammed the pen in her hand on the table. Screw this paperwork.

She's irritated. With everything.

How the hell is he okay with this? How does he expect her to be okay with it? She hasn't thought about anyone else since the first time they were together. Whereas he was…

He was busy screwing half the seireitei.

She grabbed her temple. He's completely over her. And somehow it stung more that she imagined.

And to make it worse, all she wanted was for him to touch her again.

One night! He expected her to be casual about it, brush it off as if it didn't matter.

But it did. And she can never forget the feeling of home she felt when she fell asleep in his arms. She loved how he looked at her so affectionately. She has never seen that in anyone else's eyes.

How can she be okay with declaring it as only a one night stand? It was more. Definitely more. At least for her.

She stood up after pushing the chair backward loudly. She needs a break. She jumped out of the window. Now to look for a nice spot to busk in the sun and forget about all her worries.

She was lightly padding on the tiled rooftop for a suitable spot when something caught her attention.

It's the training ground not too far from where she was, she could see pretty clearly what's happening there.

He had split the recruits in pairs and made them practice on each other as he walked in between, analysing their every moves. Occasionally he was stopping and showing an individual how to take a stance or hold their zanpaktou properly.

She suddenly realised she was watching him for few minutes now. His glorious combat stances, the way he moved Hyorinmaru as if it was an extension of his body, his white haori catching the wind behind him, long white hair covering the side of his face. He had taken off his scarf and she could make out a bit of his muscular chest showing through the low v collar of his Shihakushō. She felt the urge to run her hands down it.

She perched on the side of the tiled rooftop and watched him, as if captivated by him. As if it was the first time she realised how good looking he was.

She could see the admiration of his fine forms in the eyes of the young girls in the squad. And it was also very noticeable that they were trying to catch his attention more often than the boys.

She was about to rolled her eyes but stopped promptly. He was standing close to that blonde girl, Shiyomi. Why is she always everywhere? And it's true, she kind of looks like Rangiku.

It looked like he was explaining something about her stance and she wasn't doing it right.

Suddenly he grabbed her hip and pulled her into the position in front of him. Maybe it was her imagination but she felt like his hands were on her for longer than it was needed.

Rangiku felt her stomach twisting into knots. A strange feeling of resentment suddenly corrupted her senses. At the exact moment she resented him.

She resented him for being able to be "okay" with what happened last night. How could he get over how crazy hot wild and sweet it was last night? How could he not want it again? And how the hell it didn't mean any more than a random fuck with these girls he feels nothing for?

She had been on his side for almost forever. They were like the two parts of one entity. That one night with her can never mean a simple one night. Just like it didn't before.

She frowned and speedily left her spot. She can't stand watching him with his hand all over another girl.

She was back in the office and eyeballed the pile of paperwork on her table. Doing paperwork will only piss her off even more. She needs to get away from all these.

As she was walking past his table she looked at its contents and narrowed her eyes vindictively. Then she leaned on his table and with a finger pushed the half empty coffee cup. It fell sideways, pouring all its contents all over his precious paperwork.

With a satisfactory squint of her eyes she disappeared out the door muttering to herself. "Be _okay_ with that, jerk."

…

**Well I hope that cliffhanger didn't end too badly. Well not from where I'm standing. Pweaseeeee wevieww! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

She only felt his reiatsu when he landed silently few yards away from her. Under her arm across her forehead, she flinched while thinking to herself that she should've been more alert.

"Matsumoto." He sounded angry.

She looked up from her lying position and found him gazing at her, not at all happily.

"Yes?" her voice was cold as ice.

"Can you explain this?"

She frowned, "What?" This time she sat up and looked up at his face irritably. Why does he always have to scold her about everything?

"What the hell is this?" He let out a low growl as he shoved a piece of paper in front of her face, she could tell how infuriated he was under that tightened jawline.

"Umm… it's the form for the water and sanitation…"

"Matsumoto!" she could see his teeth grinding against each other. She stood up in slight alarm.

"Why the hell are there cat doodles all over this?" He practically yelled at her with a scowl on his face.

"I was bored... and it's only on the sides." She blew a strand of hair from her face casually, refusing to acknowledge his telling-offs by avoiding his eyes.

"The sides?" She saw the vein popping at the side of his temple. "Do you have _any_ idea how important this document was? Do you know what I have to go through now to get another copy of this?"

She shrugged and played with her hair, indifferent to all his exasperation.

She heard him crunch up the piece of paper. "When are you going to start taking your work seriously?"

She stood there unaffected by all this verbal chastisement. He frowned deeper as her careless face only frustrated him more. "You do realise the deadline for submitting those documents I've left on your desk is next week?" This time she could hear him trying to control that rage.

"It will get done." She muttered, trying her best to not feel guilty about anything.

"And how will that happen? All by itself?" He was heating up again. "You know I will be busy all week and it's up to you to finish all of them."

She didn't care.

He sighed loudly, trying to ease his displeasure by breathing out some of the irritation. "And why did you spill all that coffee on my table? Do you know how many forms I now have to redo?"

"How did you find out it was me?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

For a moment he didn't know what to say as he pressed down the bridge of his nose. "You've just told me." His voice is icy. He never expected such childish actions from her.

She shrugged again. The reason is very simple. Because she wanted to be a pain in the ass, make his life as difficult as possible. And also because, she wanted to and she can.

Served him right.

"Matsumoto. Tell me, what is the meaning of all these today?" His turquoise eyes carried all the authority of a captain of Gotei 13 disciplining a disobedient youth.

She stood silently, focusing on the important task of coiling a strand of her around her finger.

He shook his head in frustration. Even in the dying light of the day she could tell how exhausted he looked.

He took in a deep breath and ran his long finger through that wonderful mess of hair of his. She couldn't stop her eyes from darting towards him.

"Matsumoto. Are you okay?" He was suddenly weary and hesitant.

"Yes? Why wouldn't I be?" she snapped.

"Is this about last night..." he watched through the corner of his eyes. The cold mask on her face suddenly faltered a little. She looked a little vulnerable for a split second.

"I'm _okay_ with it." She spat out heatedly. "Just like you."

He sighed. "Then why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"Matsumoto. I found out you did no work whatsoever all day, none of the tasks have been cleared, no one knew where you were. And now I find you here, spending the day lazing around... again! Not only that, you've also ruined all those paperwork on my table, yelled at my subordinates unnecessarily and now instead of saying sorry you are giving me an attitude." His jaw tighten as he worked hard at keeping his voice calm. "You're acting like a teenager."

She said nothing, only rolled her eyes. He's not the boss of her, even if he is her captain.

He sighed in frustration then stilled his voice. The next sentence he said in a softer tone, "If this is anyway related to what happened last night, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let it happen... you were drunk ... and out of it... and it will never happen again..." his frown tried to mask the remorse in his face.

How many times is he going to promise the same thing?

She felt as if a bomb went off on her face.

"Sorry? You're SORRY?" She was looking at him with the most ridiculous combination of surprised and angry face. "You _were_ okay… and now you're SORRY?"

As if it was a mistake, as if it meant nothing. She wanted to scream. How cheap does he think she is?

He frowned, unable understand why is she acting so temperamental. "Matsumoto. Why are you acting like this...?"

"No reason!" she yelled then spun around on her heels. "I'm going home." The next instant, she jumped off the roof, and sped away from him.

"Matsumoto." He followed her. "Stop."

She ignored him when he flash stepped and grabbed her wrist. "I am talking to you."

"I have nothing to say." Her face was storm-cloud dark. "And don't touch me... ever again." She hissed.

When she turned to pull her hand free, the look on her face rendered him momentarily frozen. Her eyes were full of unshed tears, twinkling in the little light around them.

"Rangiku!" He heard himself exclaim loudly. This is serious. He ignored her resistance and grabbed her arm again. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing... just let go of me..." she looked away and tried to wiggle her arm away from him.

He can face anything but he can't handle her tears. It's the one thing his heart isn't strong enough to witness. He felt his heart is about give away to the weight of everything that has been pressing it down flat.

"Matsumoto..." he forcibly pulled her in by her arm, tried make her face him.

She didn't know why it had to happen now. Tears? Why the hell is she crying?

And the more he tried to press on and pull her in, the more she wanted to cry. She want to bury her face in his chest and wail. She had no idea why is this happening to her.

"Matsumoto... " she could hear the plea and concern in his voice, which served no other purpose than egging on her tears.

And they started falling. Her whole body shuddered as she hid her face under her hands and let them loose.

Toshiro was holding both her arms and pulled her in front of him but she kept her face hidden under her palms.

"I'm... sorry... Rangiku…" as if he was speaking from a haze.

She jerked her head up and the wet crystal blue eyes were afire with rage. This time she used all her strength and shoved him back on his chest. "Don't touch me..." her mouth turned into a twisted scowl.

"I'm sorry..." his bewilderment continued and he repeated his apology. As if those are the only words he knew. "I'm sorry Rangiku... "

She yelled at him. "You should be... it was all your fault. How could you lead me on…?"

"Lead you…?"

"You never _loved_ me. It was all a joke right?" She felt something inside her chest is splitting in two. "It was all a game to you."

She looked furious, "how to make a bloody fool out of Matsumoto Rangiku, huh?"

"What?" He understood none of it.

"If you just wanted sex... why didn't you just say so?"

Her voice cracked and wanted nothing more than to just disappear from then and there.

Toshiro was staring at her face dumbly. "Rangiku..." his voice was shaky as he reached for her hand again. She spun around.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Leaving him staring at her disappearing swish of sunset coloured hair, she flash stepped away.

...

Rangiku slammed the door to her apartment close and slumped down on the floor. For a moment she didn't know what to do.

What happened to her suddenly? She gathered her limbs and curled into a ball with her back against the wall.

A sinking feeling in her stomach told her that something very frightening had happened to her.

Something frightening and dangerous.

Something like... love.

She's in love with her young captain.

And it's not going to get better anytime soon.

...

Toshiro couldn't eat that night. Nor could he sleep or stay awake.

He couldn't pay attention to his paperwork either as he glued himself on his office chair.

He could only drink.

He was drinking directly from a bottle as he slouched against the table with his hand messing up those hair of his, eyes heavy in drowsiness. In front of him lay a pile of paperwork that needs to be done this week and Matsumoto isn't going to do it.

Just by thinking about her, he felt in his chest throbbed an awful ache that refused to be ignored. Images of her face wet in tears kept corrupting his thoughts as he desperately attempted to drown the guilt in these bottles of sake she was hiding in their office.

He couldn't accept the fact that he made her cry. This is unforgivable.

And he's going to punish himself for it. It's late and he's exhausted, but he refused to let himself rest.

The thought of passing by her apartment, is painful.

The thought of her is painful.

She had a look of resentment in her eyes. And she screamed few times to never touch her again.

He himself made the same vow yet hearing it from her only made it harder to keep. He wanted to touch her again, to taste her lips, feel her hair slithering through his fingers like water, and lick her honey soft skin ….

_He has no right to do that._

He felt a craving at the pit of his stomach to hear her gasp in pleasure, to see her flushed skin reflecting the moonlight. She is an addiction.

She is also home, where he belonged. There is no Hitsugaya Toshiro without Matsumoto Rangiku.

And finally, she is love. Like life itself.

And it's not fair that everything about her only makes him want her. What he wouldn't give to just wake up next to her in the morning, to kiss her after he wakes and before his sleeps, and not just on the lips, but her forehead, her palms and her hair…

_Don't touch me... ever again!_

He looked at the empty sake bottle with distaste. Then threw it to the pile of other bottles.

His fingers pressed down on his forehead, the buzzing light-headedness is making him unable to think normally. He's starting to get why she loves drinking so much.

_You never loved me. _His heart twisted into knots. He wants to understand what she meant, but there's a crippling fear that is tying him down.

All he ever wanted to do is protect himself. From this very situation he is in right now, from losing what little of that relationship he has left with her.

He messed it all up real bad. He shouldn't have let his instinct take over. He should've listened to his conscious. He should've controlled his physical urges. He shouldn't have ruined that beautiful friendship they had.

Yet... can he really regret any of those moments with her? No matter how messed up they were, they were precious, just like she is to him.

He rested his head on the table. He wants her happy face back. He wants to see her smiling again.

So far, trying to let her go hasn't worked, and only made it worse. He doesn't know what else he could do.

Knock. Knock.

He looked up from his desk and found the clock. It's quite late for a visitor.

"Come in." He sat back up and attempted to pull out his stern captain face.

The door started sliding open slowly and a flicker of blonde hair caught his eyes. His heart leaped, and so did he. Pushing his chair back he jumped up straight, barely steady on his inebriated two left feet.

"Matsu..." her name almost slipped out of his lips when he stopped and realise who it was.

"Okura?" In his drunk voice there was naked surprise.

"Hitsugaya Taichou." Okura Shiyomi nimbly slid inside the room and closed the door behind her.

"What are you doing here?" He tried hard to return to his usual calm captain state. It was easier said than done, given the number of bottle of sake he's consumed. He grabbed the edge of his table tight.

"I saw the light on." She muttered in guilt before smiling at him shyly, "and I thought I might ask you some question about the training we had today."

"Okura. It's late. You should be resting. We can discuss all that tomorrow." He tried to brush her off.

She hesitated for a second. "Hitsugaya Taichou, I'm sorry."

He frowned as concentrated on balancing himself better. "Umm… what?"

She trod towards him. "I'm not being entirely honest..." he realised she has locked the door behind her. An unsettling feeling stirred inside his stomach.

"Okura..."

"Please call me Shiyomi… Toshiro" she was suddenly next to him.

His turquoise eyes widen in surprise at first then they narrowed. "Okura Shiyomi, I'm your commanding officer! Address me in an appropriate manner." He tried to gather as much dignity as possible in his drunk, slurred words.

"Yes, sir." But she continued padding towards him.

He tried to step away from her, but she reached out and grabbed the collar of his Shihakushō, her usual cold and collected blue eyes were suddenly alive.

"What are you doing..." before he could push her away, she reached up on her toes and pressed her lips on his.

She was almost as tall as Rangiku, almost as curvy as Rangiku, if not more. Her hair was shinier, longer and smelled nicer. And her lips were soft and gentle against his.

He felt his drunk body refusing to listen to his brain, no matter how much he wanted to get away from her.

Her wet tongue moved inside his mouth then she boldly pushed against him, sliding her one hand through his hair. And with the other she caressed along his chest, towards his back.

Slowly but firmly he grabbed her arms and pulled her away, breaking the kiss. He maintained the distance between them by clutching her arms with both hands.

Keeping his voice as calm as possible he demanded, "Shiyomi. What is the meaning of this?"

She looked into his eyes intently before replying "I'm giving you exactly what you want, Captain."

He frowned. "You're my pupil, what I want is for you to train hard."

"Didn't seem like that to me." She reached and clutched his Shihakushō again, "not from the way you've just kissed me or the way you were touching me during the training today... the way you were showing me off to everyone..."

"What?"

She smiled. "I know what you're were doing Taichou when you not only allowed me to accompany you to official meetings but also have private ones with me too. When there was no reason for you to discuss anything with me, you still found an excuse to get drinks with me. I know you wanted to sleep with me from the first time we've met."

"Shiyomi!" His grip tighten on her arm as he slowly process all these accusations. "We were dealing with a crisis involving your family, of course I had to have meetings with you… And if I recall correctly, you were the one who asked me…"

"You can deny all you want Taichou, but I know the way you look at me. You like me and I'm here to show you that I like you too..."

This time she reached for her own obi that was keeping her own yukata in place. With one pull the loosely bound obi fell off and her yukata parted to reveal her naked body.

He took a few step back with eyes wide open and released her arms as he gaped at her boldness.

The girl was beautiful, extremely beautiful. She can compete with any woman in seireitei and win. She wiggled out of her cloths which pooled at her feet.

Taking a step towards him she whispered, "Please touch me, Hitsugaya Toshiro."

…


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

He felt sweat beads popping up on his forehead and he stuttered, "Shiyomi... put your clothes back on..."

"Why?" She reached out for him. "Don't you like what you see Taichou?"

"I am your captain..." his body stiffened as she softly reached up with her arms round his neck and brushed her lips against his flushed skin. He tried to push her off hesitantly.

"That excuse never stopped you before with others..." her mouth was warm and wet, and her smooth tongue slithered along the side of his neck. He swallowed loudly, inside his head a million thoughts were speeding by but none he could use to get himself out of this situation.

"I'm more beautiful than any of these cheap fucks you've had Taichou. I'm your number one pupil and an excellent shinigami. And now I want to show you how good I am in other things too."

He gathered all his strength and pushed her away by her shoulder. "Shiyomi. Please let go of me."

She looked at him with a stunned look in her eyes for a moment. It was as if she's never met anyone who would refuse her.

He took his haori off to use it to cover her front "Go home Shiyomi. I don't want to do this."

She instantly dropped the haori on the floor and smirked at him flirtatiously, attempting to close the distance between them with a single step.

Pushing her away isn't working. He sighed out in frustration and looked away, "Shiyomi, please cover yourself. This is an order. "

She jumped on him without waiting for him to react and pushed him back against the table. Her arms slithered around his neck. "Why? Afraid you can't stop yourself…. Taichou?"

"Shiyomi... I said no." He tried to peel her off as she pressed her body against his again but she wouldn't budge. He didn't want to hurt the girl physically.

"I know you want me Hitsugaya Toshiro." She continued her slow kisses on his neck. "I can give you anything you want…"

Her kisses were warm on his tired muscles and it felt good. The temptation was too much. After all the shit that has been going on, he craved some attention. He wanted someone to take care of him, kiss away his aches. He wanted to feel wanted. His eyes closed automatically, leaving the girl uninterrupted to her activities.

But the voice at the back of his head won't shut up. After what he heard this afternoon from Rangiku, this felt wrong.

Did she want him to love her? If that's the case, it's better than what he started with. If only he could find a way to understand what she's hiding behind those words?

_Leave me alone._

Her message was loud and clear. She detested him. At least at that moment. Yet… there was something else in there. He just knew.

A part of him desperately wished it was Rangiku in front of him right now.

His thoughts were rudely interrupted as Shiyomi grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast. He opened his eyes and his focus shifted towards the incredibly alluring naked woman in front of him.

Her body felt like heaven as she slid and slithered around him, slowly moving her free hand she removed his Shihakushō away from his torso. Her kisses were sending shivers down his body.

The resolve in his eyes were shaking and he could barely put words in his mouth, which she claimed with her lips forcefully before trailing down to kiss his chest.

He felt his body started responding to her and he was losing control. He struggled to gather all his self-control and focus thoughts on his lieutenant, and hoping against all hopes to find a way to repel Shiyomi's effect on him.

He loves Rangiku, his lieutenant, and the only woman he wants. The most beautiful woman…

Shiyomi suddenly shoved her hand down inside his clothes towards his hakama. Before he could stop her she was there. He gasped out loud.

And his mouth slipped out her name.

…

Rangiku wasn't sure what time it was when she woke, it looked gloomy, cloudy and dark outside to suit her mood. She found herself on the floor of her living room, sprawled next to the centre table which hosted a number of empty sake bottles.

The day hasn't started yet and she's already wishing it was over. She got up and started her day with a sigh and a frown.

After her usual morning grooming rituals she was still too early to leave for work and had nothing else she could do to keep herself occupied.

So she decided she would go for a walk, wondering about the day waiting ahead of her. Would she be able to do any work with him around? The thought produced a bitter taste in her mouth and a flattering butterfly in her stomach.

The realisation that she's in love with him is still all too new and foreign. She has no idea how to process it.

She was afraid of herself, of what might the next encounter with him entail, or how she might react.

The last time they spoke, she accused of never loving her and cried like a baby.

How embarrassing. Being exposed with her feelings laid out in the open like that is the last thing she wants right now.

Before she knew it she was at the end of the alley, standing in front of her office. She sighed. It appears that she can't really stay away even when she wants to.

Her heart was palpitating as she slowly sliding open the door to the office she shares with her captain.

Her eyes were wide open in shock.

She has never seen the state at which their office is right now. Empty sake bottles have been piled next to his table, some are rolling on the floor as they failed to fit inside the waste bin.

There are papers everywhere on the floor, even some of his precious paperwork.

It looked like a storm has just blew past. She frowned and wondered what went around here last night.

She packed up all the empty bottles and realised these were her secret stash of sake. He knew where she was hiding them! A slight blush warmed up her cheeks.

What made him drink this much, She wondered. Maybe he realised what he said wrong, then tried to drown his guilt in sake? She rolled her eyes at that. There is no way Toshiro would know how to differentiate wrong from right when comes to conversations like that.

She neatly piled the paperworks in his desk and thought for a second that maybe... just maybe things might work out with him. Maybe if she tells him what she feels he will find his way back to his feelings for her.

If there ever was any.

But it's hard to believe anyone could make love to her like that and not have any feelings.

Maybe they can be happy one day, together. A small pea sized bud of hope rattled inside her heavy chest.

She would give anything to again see the look he had for her that night. For a while, she became the only woman in the world, the only one that mattered.

She counted the bottles. He must've been drinking himself senseless. The thought was a little concerning. She frowned and felt a small worry at the back of her mind.

Should she go and check on him? She bit her lips.

Then decided otherwise. She needs more time. She's not yet ready to let the cat out if the bag yet. She herself needs to get used to the idea that she's in love with him at first.

A hollow sigh escaped from her chest as she continued picking up the papers on the floor.

Suddenly something on the floor next to the table caught her attention. She reached for it.

It's a ribbon.

A purple ribbon.

It was an expensive material she would never dream of buying for herself.

And she knew where it's from.

She felt her breath has caught in her throat. She sat there crouched on the floor staring at the piece of expensive ribbon on her hands, wondering why she couldn't breathe normally anymore.

…

Everything was tidy and clean when he arrived at the office, later than usual. It looked like Rangiku hasn't arrived yet. He confirmed that by asking one of the officers next door, no one has seen her come in.

He mentally prepared himself for their meeting. He's hoping she won't try to skip work. He has decided to have a serious talk with her today.

He walked towards their coffee machine and wondered who cleaned it all up, maybe one of his subordinates took the liberty.

As he was about to sat down the mug of steaming coffee on the table and his hand abruptly stopped mid-air. In the centre of his tidy table lied a folded piece of paper that looked like a note. He slowly picked it up and it revealed something it was covering beneath it.

His eyes widen when he realised that was one of the ribbons Shiyomi usually wears on her hair. He hurriedly unfolded the note and realised it's an application for leave of absence.

His lieutenant is going to be absent for an indefinite extent of time.

Her crunched up the piece of paper and left the office like a storm.

...

"You won't tell me what happened, Rangiku?" Nanao looked at her worriedly.

Rangiku was lying on her stomach and hiding her face on the pillow while shaking her head from side to side.

Nanao sighed. "Well, I'm off to work. I can't be late, have too many things to do."

"Have fun." Her voice was muffled on the pillow.

Nanao softly closed the door to her apartment and left.

And the tears started falling. Her whole body shuddered as she tried to hide the whimpering sob on the borrowed pillow on Nanao's couch.

_Shiyomi chan? She is still sleeping. She was out till really late last night. I guess she had some sort of official business. Hitsugaya Taichou dropped her off around midnight. She looked pretty exhausted. That girl works really hard. Such dedication to stay back for late night work for her captain? I'll let her rest for a bit longer. _

These are the words the warden said to her when she went to find the girl.

She can't be in denial anymore. This is all the proof she's needed.

Hitsugaya Toshiro has finally moved on and the only thing he will ever feel for her is not love.

It hurt so bad.

It hurts so bad.

…

He found her. Finally.

After ditching the whole tenth squad at the mercy of his confused third seat, he has finally found her.

He stood staring at the door of first squad's lieutenant's apartment which took him a while to locate. The first squad buildings have large rooms and spacious apartments for the members, but no one bothered to use a better numbering system for outsiders to navigate.

He softly knocked the door, but there was no answer. So he produced the key Ise Nanao handed him few moments ago.

She was fast-asleep, sprawled on the couch and her beautiful messy hair sprayed out in every direction.

By the looks of it, she was crying. A pained expression permanently set on his face. He didn't know what to do.

He can't take anything back. He can't apologise for their night together, he can't un-apologise for his apologies either.

He sat himself down on the couch on the opposite side and slouched his shoulder in exhaustion. With all the tension with Rangiku and everything else that happened last night he had no sleep whatsoever. And in his pocket the purple ribbon from Shiyomi's hair was burning his skin and his conscience.

He watched her sleeping face for a while. Nanao said she needs to be at the office until late, so there is no need to hurry.

He relaxed his body against the backrest and closed his eyes. He's going to sit here and wait for her to wake up.

...

"To… shiro..."

He opened his eyes and blinked. Where is he? For a moment he forgot where he was and he slowly looked around.

The rustling of fabric made him look at the couch opposite of him.

She was squirming in her sleep, as if she's having a nightmare.

"Toshiro..." her lips barely moved but he heard his name again and he sprang up and sat down on the carpet, bringing his face to hers.

There was slight flattering in her eyelids.

She looked troubled. He softly touched her face and she stopped squirming instantly.

He couldn't move his hand away, her face felt soft against the tough skin of his palm. She looked serene, and of course beautiful as always. He can never get over how this face never fails to take his breath away.

Because the next thing he knew he was leaning forward and gently kissing her lips.

Her eyes shot open only seconds later.

It took him a moment before pulling away as they stared at each other silently for what felt like eons.

He thought he felt his face warming up under her gaze.

Rangiku on the other hand was expressionless until her eyes turn soft and gentle.

"Toshiro..." she whispered and her hand reached out to touch his face. This unexpected action threw him off his guard.

As soon as her hand touched his cheek, her eyes widen in surprise. "This isn't a dream." She muttered to herself. As if that realising this particular fact was the most unbelievable thing in the world.

She moved her hand away as if it was on fire and the serene look on her face changed instantly. Her eyes turned wide and fearful for a split second.

She sat up quickly, clutching the sheet around her protectively. Toshiro hid a sigh and moved back to his old spot.

"Why are you here, Taichou?" She asked without looking at him in an icy tone.

He has suddenly forgot the list of conversation he had prepared for this. Hesitantly he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"What was that application about?"

"I thought it was pretty clear..." She trailed off and as if she remembered something suddenly, her eyes were on him. They were cold, empty but firm. "Were you kissing me just then, when I was sleeping?"

He squirmed underneath his cold exterior.

It's now or never. He is here to do what he should've done ages ago.

He made up his mind and took the decision to be honest about his feelings for her.

So he admitted. "Yes."

Her face showed no emotion. "Why?"

"Because..." he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

_Give her a chance_.

"I wanted to."

She took in a deep sigh. "Listen Taichou. I don't think I can give you what you want."

His eyebrows creased a little.

"I can't do this casual sex thing you have going on with others. I can't be one of them."

"Matsumoto ..."

"Even though you think I'm like that. I can't do this, not with you. And I hope you won't force me again either."

"No. I'll never do that again..." his face contorted painfully.

"I just really need a break from all these... I know I only just came back from the world of the living but everything has been... so intense... and I think you have it all covered at the office... I'll ask the third seat to help you out with the workload... The boy's quite competent…"

"Matsumoto... "

She moved the sheet off her and stood up. "I'm thinking about going away for a while..."

"Matsumoto... Would you please hear me out?"

She was half way towards the door to Nanao's bedroom.

"Rangiku..." His voice trembled a little at first, then he said in a clear voice. "I love you."

...

**Reviews plz!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Her whole body immobilised in time as a slow moment slithered past. Inside her head raced images of different reaction scenarios, and none of which included her jumping on him in glee or confess her own feelings too.

She felt a part of her was becoming numb, and the rest was in anguish.

It took her all the self-control she had ever possessed to continue with the conversation with the flattest look on her face. "I'll contact you when I come back from wherever I decide to go. Sorry to bring this up on you so suddenly..."

"Matsumoto" he stood up and stared at her in disbelief. How can she not give a crap about what he had just said?

He instantly made up his mind. He's not going to let her brush him off.

"It's late Taichou..."

Before she could finish, Toshiro swiftly closed the distance between them and his arms were around her.

"Rangiku I love you..." it felt like he has opened a flood gate in his heart and all the emotions are rushing out.

She stood limply for a moment then pushed him away. "Taichou please. I don't need sweet words and it's not going to make me have sex with you..."

"Matsumoto..." Astounded, he raised his voice and his grip became stronger around her. "I'm not trying to sweet talk you to go to bed with me. It's how I really feel, it's the truth."

"Right. Well, I hope you're telling your truth to the pretty girlfriend of yours too." She pushed him away again.

He froze. "I don't have a girlfriend..."

"Fuck-buddy then? Whatever... I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Just make sure she knows what she's getting into, young girls are kinda naïve at times… "

"What the hell, Rangiku?" He could feel his cold mask falling away from his face.

"Okura Shiyomi, she is very pretty. Anyway, I don't really care if you're screwing her or others on your office table. I mean it's _your_ table, and _your _office…"

"I didn't... "

"It's ok, Taichou. I don't care..." she continued to be expressionless. This is so unlike her that just by looking at that stony face almost broke his heart all over again.

"Matsumoto I love you..." he confessed again, face half hidden as he pressed down the side of his head. He didn't know what else to say.

She took in a sharp breath and her voice has finally raised a little from its flat tone. "So, I've heard. But I'm not sure if anyone ever told you what love is. So I will let you find that out for yourself. Meanwhile, I'll take a little break…"

"Matsumoto..." he reached out and grabbed her hand. "Please let me hold you."

"No." This time she fired up and yelled at him with all the vocal power she had. Her face was turning red in exertion and a vein popped up at the side of her neck. "I have had enough!"

He clenched his jaw. He's not going to let her go. This time, he's fully resolute.

He knows now that she wants him. He knows and he's sure about it. Why else would she cry like that, why else would she want to leave after finding that piece of ribbon in his office, why else would she make love to him like that.

And even if she doesn't want him, he's going to make her want him. He's going to go all out this time.

He forcibly pulled her into a hug.

"Get off me, Toshiro…" she squirmed, wiggled and tried to push him away, but he's strong. His arms locked her in an iron tight embrace and she could barely move.

She felt her eyes started stinging again. She cursed mentally.

"Toshiro. Let. Me. Go!" she gritted her teeth in an attempt to stop her tears from falling, "If you force me again…"

"Rangiku, please, listen to me." his voice was gentle and soothing on her neck.

She stopped moving as his arms started to feel warm around her. "Please Matsumoto."

He buried his face in her hair as he muttered, "I've always loved you..."

She was motionless for few seconds before viciously pushing him away,

"Liar!" She yelled. "You DON'T love me. You NEVER did."

"I did. I do." He felt his heart throb painfully in his chest.

She wanted him to go away, disappear from her face. She wanted to be alone with her tears and heartaches.

"No. You don't. You don't love a person and force them to have sex with you. You don't love a person and screw other girls when they are away. You don't love a person and regret making love to them. You don't love a person and have sex with another in your office the day after you've slept with them…"

She was panting at the end of that heated speech and felt the warm tears started trailing down her face. She quickly wiped it away. Hoping against all hopes that he didn't see them.

But he did. And he felt horrible.

"Please, go." She muttered, her voice was shaky and weak. He could hear the pain and angst that surrounded her.

So, he stepped back from her and took slow motion steps towards the door, leaving Rangiku standing next to Nanao's bedroom, with her back towards her.

…

_"Rangiku…" his mouth slipped out her name. Hearing his own voice calling out for her gave him the strength he needed._

_Not that it mattered anymore. Shiyomi's kiss halted on his neck when she heard him. His strong fingers dug into her shoulder and he used all his strength to push her away._

_"Rangiku?" She echoed. Her voice was menacing. "You were touching me, and called out for Rangiku?"_

_He did. He wanted Rangiku. Even though he was losing control over his body his mind was still on track._

_He slowly stepped back and bent down clutching his knees to breathe out the turmoil he felt inside. Shiyomi stood still as if in a state of shock while hugging herself. Her eyes were void of any emotions._

_Silently he fixed his own clothes before stepping past her to pick up her yukata which he wrapped around her frozen stature staring down at the floor._

_"Shiyomi. I can't do this..."_

_She fell on the floor on her knees to Toshiro's distress. He didn't want to hurt the girl, neither physically nor emotionally._

_"You can... you'd just have to imagine you're doing it with her and not me." Her voice trembled._

_"I won't." He said firmly, if only to convince himself of it._

_She looked up through her hair that was covering parts of her face and he saw her mouth twisting into a scowl as she chewed out the next sentence, "I offer myself to you in a platter and you call out for your lieutenant? Are you sure you're a man in real sense? "_

_Shaking his head to clear out the fogginess alcohol and Shiyomi's touches left him in, he looked down at her with contempt and commanded, "Go home Shiyomi. You're the second heir of the Okura family. You can't be sneaking out at night and doing…. this. Not after what your sister's been through."_

_In slow motion, her head drooped as he watched from above, her body started quivering. He heard the muffle cries coming from her. _

_The emotionless expression on his face changed. He felt guilty. _

_"Shiyomi, I'm sorry. But I can't return your feelings."_

_"My feelings? For you?" her strong voice sounded maniacal, "Don't flatter yourself Taichou. I have no feelings for you, whatsoever."_

_He narrowed his eyes. Then why do all these?_

_"My sister huh?" She muttered. "That princess has everything she wants. You think she's been through enough? Not. Even. Close. Not until I'm done with her."_

_For some reason Toshiro realised this whole thing is about something else entirely._

_He sighed and ran his finger through his hair, "Shiyomi, please. Put your clothes back on, and leave. If you ever behave as such in the future, be sure that there will be no place for you in this squad. You don't want your father finding out what you are doing do you?"_

_"My father!" her voice was loud and raging. "Do you think my dear old father gives a single crap about me or what I do?"_

_Toshiro frowned._

_"He wants nothing to do with me. If I disappear he'd be the happiest. Because his precious fornicating eldest daughter will inherit the whole of his legacy. His fucked up piece of shit legacy. Do you know why she is still unwed and pregnant, even with all my father's power, money and connections? Because last few weeks I've work hard to make sure she never gets married. I fucked every single one of those marriage prospects and threw that on her face." Suddenly she let out a loud laughter. "Even the father of her child, Ryu…"_

_She stopped her yelling abruptly and her head dropped again. "Megumi. Megumi. Megumi. It's always Megumi not Shiyomi. Is there something wrong with me?" Her voice was suddenly shaky and unsure. "Even during a pity fuck with you, I have to hear someone else's name."_

_"Pity…" Toshiro couldn't decide whether laugh, cry or be mad._

_"I've seen the look of those girls' beds you graced with your presence. Ugly and dumb little c***s! Even Matsumoto Fukutaichou is..." she continued heatedly._

_"Shiyomi." He warned._

_She barely heard him and continued with her tale. "I'm tired of being treated like I'm worth nothing, just because my mother didn't have enough noble blood in her vein. And that was her only crime. She died alone and broken, without the love of her husband. Father made sure she never gets an ounce of his affection, because all of it was spent on his eldest daughter, whose mother was just another useless princess who can't do a single thing, or even survive her child's birth."_

_Toshiro frowned. He never knew how fucked up the Okura family is deep down inside, even after with all his social visits to their household._

_"Even though I'm more beautiful and talented than any Okura women had ever had the good fortune to be, I am pushed aside and all glamour and glory is reserved for Megumi, because she's older, because she's the next in line to take over the Okura family, because her mother's family was nobler than mine. The marriage proposals that come for her, I see how they look at me. In their eyes I see it... they want me not her. Yet she's the one who gets to marry princes and rich handsome heirs, and I'm only worth an occasional fuck. I am a shinigami, top student in my class and yet I'm left with taking care of minor part of the family business." He thought she was crying._

_"She's your older sister... it's your duty to..."_

_"To follow her?" She snapped. "Why should I? After all they've put my mother through. I'll never follow that whore."_

_"Shiyomi! How can you say such things about your own sister?"_

_"She's not my sister. She'll never be. Sisters don't let their father treat their younger sister like what father made me go through. I was never enough. No matter how much I excelled in everything he ever ordered me to do. I'm his flesh and blood, yet he loves Megumi only, who is good for nothing, other than baring children for her illicit relationship." _

_Her pretty face twisted into something evil. "That taught him a lesson didn't it? His precious girl, pregnant before marriage. She's ruined the family name."_

_She clenched her jaw tight and panted heavily, venting out her anger and frustration. For several moments she angrily stared down at the ground. Her heavy breathing started calming down._

_"Shiyomi…" he didn't know what to do about this emotionally screwed up naked girl on the floor of his office. It's clear that she's been hurting like this for a long time. If only Rangiku was here, she would know what to say. _

_She continued with her bickering. "I'm glad I seduced Ryu… now she's left unwed and pregnant. I made sure she finds out about the affair in the worst way possible, walking in on us. Father was ready to make that useless man his son in law... I couldn't let that happen... I couldn't sleep thinking Megumi getting away with all that she's done and still gets her happy ending. But…"_

_Her burning eyes were suddenly a waterfall of tears, pouring down her flushed cheeks she hid under her palms, "... but… every time… every time… he came inside me... he called out for her... Megumi... Megumi... Megumi... he didn't even realise what he was doing… " She started sobbing, her body was shuddering as she clutched the yukata around her tight._

_"Did you love him?" He couldn't believe he's talking to one of his students about her love life._

_She wordlessly continued weeping under her palms. A pained expression played across his face as he studied her._

_"He... he... went back... to her..." she sobbed out, "even after Megumi told him to get lost... he begged and cried. When she refused again, it was me. As if I was no more than a substitute, to keep his bed warm. That was all I was to him, even when I gave him everything. That bastard!" her body was quivered helplessly._

_"I'm sorry you had to experience that Shiyomi." He hesitantly, awkwardly sat down next to her and patted her head. She slumped down and continued weeping._

_After a moment she pulled away and wiped her face dry._

_"Are you okay?" He asked. She nodded. "I'll take you home."_

_She watched him cautiously. "Why?"_

_"It's late and you I don't want you going home like this, alone."_

_"I'll be staying at the barracks today. I can't go home looking like this." She muttered, fumbling with her untidy yukata._

_He sighed. He felt a little weird thinking walking past Rangiku's apartment._

_"Let's go" he opened the door for her._

_She took a moment to gather herself before nodding in agreement. _

_They walk silently for a moment. _

_He understood that whatever she was trying to do with him, was nothing more than an act of desperation. He knows. He did the same thing when he couldn't deal with his own feelings of rejection and guilt._

_"Why are you being nice to me? After what I've just pulled." she asked him._

_"I'm your teacher Shiyomi. And I understand you were just acting out." he looked at her sideways. "if you need any help regarding anything, I mean anything, even if it's about your father or your sister, you shouldn't hesitate to ask me."_

_She sighed. "I've overheard my father and few of the Okura family council members tonight. They were planning to ask you to marry my sister, to save our family reputation. To shut those blackmailers up."_

_She looked at him guiltily. "I'm sorry I got you into this mess."_

_ "So that is the reason behind all the charade just then."_

_She blushed awkwardly. "I know it was embarrassing. I just hope one day you'll forgive my impudence." He was amazed at the how her personality did this complete flip. There is absolutely no resemblance to the Shiyomi who tried to seduce him and the Shiyomi who is humbly walking next to him. _

_He continued his silent stroll next to her, feeling somewhat relieved. At least he won't have to deal with a love sick young girl. He would hate to lose an excellent student like Shiyomi. _

_"I just couldn't accept Megumi being rewarded with yet another desirable marriage prospect for doing the wrong thing. The anger made me lose my focus." She muttered._

_He let out a deep sigh. He is her teacher and her captain; he wanted to help the girl. If it was Rangiku, she would know what to do. _

_A quiet moment past between them. _

_"I would like to help you Shiyomi but I'm not sure how. Maybe Rangiku would know…" he paused for a moment. "Listen, the best way to let go of this is to raise yourself above it. You're a shinigami and a talented one at that. You don't need to be looking after family dramas and businesses. You have better things to worry about."_

_She looked lost in thoughts as a silent moment passed by. "Taichou. I'm _really_ sorry. For all that." _

_He shrugged. For some reason, it didn't seem to matter much what Shiyomi did. At least now he knows for sure and ready to accept that no matter who he's with, he'll always want Rangiku. All his attempts at forgetting her didn't work so far, and he doesn't think it ever will._

_ "And you should tell Matsumoto Fukutaichou about your feelings. I'm sure she'd be happy." She interrupted his pondering. He looked directly at her face. _

_"Why do you say that?"_

_"Well for starters she wouldn't have to watch you like a stalker from far anymore."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Didn't you notice her gaping at you during our training today?"_

_"No."_

_"Well I did." she smiled a little. "She was perched on the rooftop, watching you train us. And as soon as you had your hands on me, she ran off. I say she was jealous."_

_"Jealous?" he wasn't sure what she's trying to say but a little beacon of hope just went off inside his chest._

_"Mmhm" she nodded. "She did looked like she was about to punch someone on the face."_

_He stopped on track. Rangiku was jealous of Shiyomi. Is that why she was upset when she thought he didn't love her._

_"Do you… love her?" Shiyomi suddenly asked hesitantly._

_He felt uncomfortable discussing such things with his young student. _

_"I don't want to discuss that with you Shiyomi."_

_Shiyomi rolled her eyes, "oh come on. I've practically spilled my guts in front of you."_

_He puffed out a deep sigh. She understood the meaning of it instantly. _

_"Just tell me one thing, why were you sleeping around with different girls if you have feelings for Matsumoto fukutaichou? Did she break your heart?"_

_"Shiyomi I'm really not comfortable discussing this with my pupil."_

_"Oh come on Taichou. I practically had my…" she stopped awkwardly. "Oh well if you don't want to talk about it, than that's it. But from where I see it, you should at least tell her how you feel instead of sleeping around with different girls. That's the stupidest way catch someone's attention…" _

_"I've stopped doing that since…" he suddenly blurted out. _

_"Wow!" she almost whistled. "You've slept with her!"_

_He felt suddenly exposed. This girl is dangerous. _

_"I'm guessing it didn't end well?" She smirked. _

_"Shiyomi, I don't want to talk about this."_

_"Hmm. Taichou, that's more the reason why you should tell her how you feel. Otherwise whatever problem you are going through with her will only become worse."_

_He looked lost in his own thoughts at that. She watched him through the corner of her eyes. "You know I can just walk the rest of the way on my own. And the lieutenant's quarters are not that far from here." She grinned suggestively._

_He was lost in his own thoughts. "I'll walk you to the barracks."_

_"Are you going to talk to her about it?"_

_He strolled silently._

_"Taichou. It's really hard to find someone worth falling in love with. I know that." She played with her long blonde hair. "If I were you, I would've fought for this with everything I had. If I knew there was the slightest chance… Ryu never cared for me… I was nothing more than a …"_

_"Shiyomi." A pain expressed appeared on his face. "You're so young. You have a whole life ahead of you. I can bet anything that you'll forget about that useless jerk and find a suitable boy for you." he scratched his head. "Just don't try to seduce your sister's husband or fiancés." _

_She giggled. "Maybe you're right. I should stop caring about my father and my sister. I have better things to worry about the petty family squabbles."_

_They arrived at the barracks and the warden opened the main door that was locked. She let Shiyomi in when Toshiro said she was working late with him._

_"Be on time for training tomorrow."_

_Before she could pass her goodbyes, he disappeared with a flash step._

_A sad smile played across her face before she closed the gate._

_…_

Toshiro turned around at the door and found Rangiku still with her back towards him. He spoke from the door.

"I didn't sleep with Shiyomi. I couldn't be with anyone since… since you've come back. Since before you came back. Why did you think I went to the living realm to bring you back? Rangiku, you are the only woman I want to be with… in that way and more… the only one I've ever wanted…" he sighed. "I thought you should know this before you decide to leave. No matter how many times… whoever I'm with… I only see your face…"

He thought her body shuddered.

"I've only ever loved you…" he muttered with his hand on the door, ready to close it behind him.

"You don't have to love me back. But, please. Don't leave."

...

**Okay, I know, too much Shiyomi not enough Toshiro Rangiku. Boring chapter. But I just had to explain why Shiyomi's the way she is. OCDness. Well that's me. I also can't let the bad guy stay bad until the end. Now, off to make Rangiku accept Toshiro's love. Fun, fun, fun. Let me know what you think. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_"I love you Rangiku. I've only ever loved you…"_

She woke up, still on the floor with her back against the wall. Reaching with her hand she touched her face and felt how the tear trails have left her skin crackling under her fingers.

The main door opened with a creak at that exact moment.

"Toshiro…" she murmured while sitting up, extending her neck to see better in the darkness that her eyes are still adjusting in. She felt a strange quickening inside her stomach.

Footsteps arrived at where she was.

"Rangiku" Nanao voice was warm and caring as she crouched down. "Tell me, what's wrong."

For a split second she hated Nanao. She wanted it to be him standing there, not Nanao. She use all her effort to pull herself up.

"I'm fine Nanao. I need to go home."

Nanao helped her up and with a look of worry and concern on her face, she asked again. "Rangiku… what's wrong…"

"I'm okay Nanao". She tried reassuring her with a faint smile that didn't work the slightest on Nanao's frowns. "I need to go home".

"Let me come with you." Despite of being exhausted, Nanao insisted on escorting her to her apartment.

Toshiro sighed in relief as he watched the receding figure of his lieutenant disappear in the dark alleys, accompanied by Ise Nanao.

She's okay.

He stood up from his shadowed, hiding spot and headed home.

…

When she woke the next morning, it was bright and sunny. She had always loved days like these. Today is different though.

The sky was all of a sudden bluer, the clouds were fluffier and the breeze felt more pleasant on her skin than she remembered.

She felt different, lighter. The twist in her chest she went to bed with seems to have unwound a little after all the crying she did. Her sleep was undisturbed. She can't remembered the last time she slept this well.

Robotically she became ready for work within an hour, but as soon as she crossed the threshold of her apartment, she hesitated.

_"I've always loved you."_

Her chest swelled as she remembered his voice. In her memory etched the look on his face when he spewed out all his feelings into words. She never thought he would or could do something like that.

Something has changed since last night. Everything she felt during their little battle of words, seemed like a distant nightmare.

Those words she longed to hear from him has finally sunk in. He wasn't lying, he never lies. Her face twisted into confused frowns. Hearing something like that out loud can do things to a person.

She was suddenly desperate. She was desperate to believe him. With all her being she wanted to hang on to those words and forget everything else.

_Please, don't leave_.

His words of plea held so much weight in them, she couldn't begin to comprehend. She can't leave soul society now. It's impossible. He said he loves her. How can she possibly leave?

It was as if she was bound to that small office, it pulled her towards it with an invisible string.

She knew he would be there. So, she took a minute to breathe in few lung full of air before pushing the door open.

When she stepped inside the office, his pen stopped moving.

She's here. She didn't go away. He can't remember the last time he felt this happy. Their eyes met and it was as if the time has stopped.

He forgot to blink. She forgot to breathe.

Then she blinked and looked away. He exhaled and did the same. Yet every cell in his body was more conscious than ever of her presence.

She muttered, "Good morning". Then glided herself across the room to take her seat, fumbling through the things on her desk.

"Good morning." He replied. Through the corner of his eyes he tried but couldn't see her face well hidden behind the curtain of golden hair. He wondered if she could hear his loud, quickening pulse as he tried to concentrate on the paperwork in front of him. Unfortunately, it wasn't working as well as it would have without her around.

She resisted her usual instinct of biting the end of her pen and looking up at the ceiling while spacing out like she usually does during paperwork.

What if he catches her looking? What if he sees through her thin mask and realises how weak she was underneath it. It could shatter any second now. Her hair was the only defence she had against him.

Soon it was time he needed to leave for his recruit training duties. He curtly said, "I'm off to the training grounds" before speedily disappearing out the door.

She felt the air around her became a lot emptier when he departed. She stifled a sigh and tried to look calm. Resisting the urge to find her old spot to spy on Toshiro, she focused her concentration on her work at hand.

She made it through a whole hour before giving up on any hopes of finishing any of the paperwork that morning. Going outside might loosen up those stiff muscles, she thought as she craved for the clear air on her skin. Picking up a pending pile of tasks she set aside before, she left the office.

For some absolutely unknown reason, the first job she picked involved walking pass the training ground. And it was definitely just a mere coincidence that Hitsugaya Toshiro, the tenth squad captain happened to be around that training ground at that exact moment.

He was having trouble concentrating on his students. Even though they were as dumb as they can ever be, most of their wrong battle stances or incorrect way of holding the zanpantou went unnoticed by the keen eyed captain of the tenth squad. At least, to their relief, his usual mortifying cold-eyed scolding didn't go off. For all their efforts of catching his attention, the young fangirls barely received a single bat of his eyelash their way. He didn't even bother thinking twice about the fact that Shiyomi hasn't shown up.

Around the afternoon, he spied Rangiku at the corner of his eyes. His heart made a jump. She was walking with her usual grace and dignity.

She was like a goddess. He couldn't help staring.

He thought about the night before and how he had finally said those words. He didn't know whether that was the right move to make, but he didn't want to wait anymore. Now there is nothing more for him to lose.

Their eyes met across the distance. He thought there was suddenly a slight awkwardness to her strides.

She quickly looked away.

The more he thinks about the more he is sure that he's never going to give up on her. He could feel that something has changed in her. A part of him was shamelessly hopeful.

Her heart was palpitating when she was crossing that small distance past the training ground. There were goosebumps all over her body when she realised he was staring at her. The magnetic pull she felt is more than just a physical attraction.

The more she thinks about it, she more she realises that if he says those words one more time she won't be able to stop herself from jumping into his arms.

But the will do no good. She needs to be sure about his resolve. She can't go get her heart broken again. Is she ready to take a chance?

She sighed. How desperately she wished she could just walk up to him and wrap her arms around him; to feel his warmth on her skin, sink her face in those magnificent icy coloured hair and to find her lost way home.

She kept herself busy doing few tasks that was logged by different squads. It was a good distraction and the physical workout gave her mind some time to relax. She was happy that it was later than usual when she was finally back at the tenth squad. He's probably gone home.

So, her eyes were large in shock when she found him sitting at his desk, looking at her equally puzzled.

"You're still here..." her mouth slipped that out. She looked awkward at her sudden slip of tongue.

Toshiro realised the late hours and was genuinely surprised to see her back this late. He thought she has finished her work for the day leaving the unfinished job to be completed tomorrow, like she would've usually done.

"Have you finished all the logged tasks?" he asked with a tone of surprise. She squirmed under his gaze.

"Umm... yeah." She approached her table and finished the necessary filing as quickly as she could before standing back up to leave.

"Matsumoto." She stopped at the door and found him standing as well.

He looked uncomfortable as he scratched his neck awkwardly. "Do you mind if I walk you home?"

At first she wasn't sure what he meant. She's not drunk or lost. Then suddenly it hit her, he wanted to spend some time with her. Her face warmed up in a blush for no reason and she nodded affirmatively.

The walk was slower than usual, and both had awkwardly maintained a distance that is usually too large for them. His usual speedy strides were suddenly slow and lazy, as if to lengthen their journey as much as possible.

He uneasily coughed once as if to say something but nothing followed. She glanced at him few times but didn't dare to ask anything.

The wordless stroll to her apartment ended sooner than any of them wanted.

She turned around, holding the door to her apartment open, looking at him as if to ask, _what now_?

The tenderness in her looks was somewhat surprising to him. He gathered all his courage and spoke.

"Matsumoto."

She waited with bated breath.

"Thank you... "

Before her brain could contemplate on various reasons to why he could be thanking her, he swiftly closed the distance between them.

Placing his hands on her door next to her face, he leaned in and kissed her lightly on her cheek.

"...for not going away." He softly muttered the words next on her face before slowly pulling back.

Her mouth was slightly open as she watched him walking away from her, quicker than she has ever seen anyone leave.

She quickly entered her apartment and closed the door. Without removing her one hand from the door, she let out the breath she had been holding. Then she closed her eyes and touched the spot where he kissed her with the other hand.

And her face lit up with a rare happy smile.

...

It was a fairly early morning for him today, given that he didn't get much sleep. He woke at an early hour with a strange urge to see her. As he laid there with his arms under his head, he tried to imagine what it would be like to wake up next to her every morning.

He was surprised at his own courage for kissing her like that last night. Even if it was an innocent kiss on the cheek, it meant much more to him.

He wanted to stop by her apartment on his way to the office. But his slowed pace quickened as soon as he was around the premises if her quarters. He was once again unsure of what to expect.

He wondered if she would let him walk her home again tonight. The closeness was nice, it was as though none of that mess ever happened at all. He felt like a school boy, walking the girl of his dreams home after their first date. For a moment he wanted to reach out and hold her hand.

The recruit training was as dull as to be expected. He noticed Shiyomi was absent again today. It made him frown a little, but he brushed off the thought.

It was around lunch time when the messenger found him.

…

Rangiku was working very efficiently today. All her logged tasks are completed. She's almost done with the paperwork that is due next week. Another couple of days and it'll be all over. It was as if a different energetic Rangiku has appeared in place of the queen of laziness.

She wondered if he was still training the recruits.

After thinking through few times she finally decided to have a peek. It was her lunch break anyway, and she hasn't seen him all day. She found that spot where she could see Toshiro training the recruits.

"Where is he?" She was surprised to see the fourth seat has taken over the training. Toshiro was nowhere to be seen.

"Taichou went away for something, he summoned me an hour ago by a hell butterfly and mentioned he might not be back this afternoon. That's all know." The fourth seat confirmed.

She wondered where he went. What could be more important than training his precious recruits? Speaking of which, she couldn't see that Shiyomi girl in the crowed either.

She frowned a little before going back to her boring pile of paperwork. It's not as if she had anything better to do. She's too restless for a nap.

He walked towards his offices as fast as he could while checking the time in frustration. He was looking forward to another walk home with Rangiku.

It's too late, she's probably gone home. He was so sure of that fact that his astonished eyes became large when he found her at her table, resting her face in her hand, looking sleepy, utterly bored and irritated at the pile of paperwork that laid before her. He suddenly realised most of which are on the _done_ pile.

"Have you been working on this all evening?" He couldn't help the slight note of surprise in his voice.

She startled up. Her blue eyes took in the weary, rugged look he was wearing.

"Yes... where have you been all day?" She sounded concerned.

He walked towards his table, dropped a number of papers on his table then picked up the report left there by the fourth seat.

"Something came up." He rested is tired body on his chair and started turning the pages.

"You look like you've been on a combat."

"Yeah. The issue with Okura clan is finally over." He sighed as he pressed down the bridge of his nose, "Now I've got to prepare a report."

"You can always do that tomorrow. You should rest now Tosh... Taichou."

His eyes were on her instantly, "just call me Toshiro."

Her lips parted a little in surprise. Toshiro is allowing her to call him by his first name! She knows he doesn't mind when she calls him that but he would never in his right mind _'give permission_' to do so.

"I see you've stayed back quite late." He was still watching her, the report in his hands is forgotten.

She blushed unexpectedly. She couldn't even admit it to herself that she was hoping for another walk home with him.

"Just thought I should get these done..." she awkwardly pointed towards the pile of paperwork in front of her.

He stood. "You've done enough for the day. Let's go home."

Even though she was hoping to walk home together, when he turned around from the door and asked her if she was coming too, she was genuinely surprised.

It was less awkward that night as they comfortably enjoyed the slight breeze and the moonlight during their lazy stroll home.

"Can I ask what problem were you dealing with for the Okura family?"

He seemed exhausted when he spoke, "the eldest daughter if the family, Shiyomi's older sister has received threats from a group of blackmailers. They threatened to publicly release some sensitive information on her, which will ruin her and her family's reputation. Today we finally caught them."

"Oh." She didn't know what else to say without sounding too nosy.

"They are now held captive at the clan, under the watch of their head of security. Tomorrow I will need to prepare the official papers and notify the proper authorities." He suddenly sighed. "I'm exhausted."

"Then you should go home." her eyes bore a look of motherly concern for him. "I can walk the rest alone, I'm not that useless." She smiled.

His heart made a jump. She smiled at him. How long has it been since the last one?

"I want to walk you home Matsumoto." He admitted.

She continued bashfully. "But you need your rest."

"I will be fine. It's been a while since we could… spend time like this together." He scratched his neck shyly.

She felt the tingling sensation on her body.

He quickly corrected, "I didn't mean it in a creepy way or anything..." he hesitantly looked away at the distance.

Rangiku waited few seconds before giggling faintly, "don't worry Toshiro. There is nothing creepy about you."

She realised he was staring at her face as soon as she started giggling. There was something like awe in his look.

They quickly looked away when their eyes met. Tonight, the walk home felt even shorter.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well." He paused few seconds after she opened the door to her apartment.

"Umm... Toshiro" she bit her lips hesitantly as she called him back. He turned around.

"Do you want come in for a cup of tea?" She muttered almost inaudibly.

His gawked a little as he thought about the suggestion. But his brain had retired as soon as the offer was made. He slowly nodded and followed her in.

"Green tea, right?" She yelled from the kitchenette, he could hear her rummaging through things.

"Do you have anything stronger?"

"Stronger?" Her face popped out of the kitchen cupboard door as she looked at his face, puzzled.

"Maybe sake?"

After a brief pause she asked again, dumbfounded, "Sake? Really?"

"Don't look at me like I've said something strange." He snapped at her look of suspicion. "I drink."

She giggled again. Wordlessly she pulled out a number of sake bottles and dumped them on the centre table in her living room. His eyes widen.

"I didn't ask for the whole sake store."

She grinned wickedly while taking her place on the seat opposite of him, "it's not all for you, you know."

He groaned in frustration before pulling in a bottle towards him. It has been a long day.

She eyed him carefully as he slowly sipped sake from his cup. At that moment, the distance that spread between them for the last few weeks, seemed to have shrunk.

"Can I ask you something Toshiro?" She looked down at her hands on her lap. Toshiro noticed she hasn't started drinking yet.

"What is it?"

She fidgeted uncomfortably for a brief moment. "Did you... mean it… What you said… that night... at Nanao's…"

His hand halted mid-air as it held a full cup of sake. He slowly put it back on the table.

"Yes."

Her heart expended at that. The silence that followed was full of anticipation.

"There are few things I should… I need… to tell you Matsumoto." His voice was strangely heavy when he decided to continue on. Her stare rested on him finally. He returned it with a piercing gaze that almost left her searching for the lost grips on herself.

"Wh... what are they?"

He loudly exhaled then stood up from his seat. She was once again wide-eyed in surprise as he walked around the table and sat back down on the carpet, facing her.

His seiza was stiff and formal as he looked at the floor before him and bowed slightly.

"Rangiku. I want to say that the last few weeks I have been a real jerk to you. The way I have treated you is something no one should have to deal with. My arrogance and ego had the best of me and I'm ashamed to admit that I let them control my behaviour."

She was staring agape at his awkward posture and all his words.

He continued the rest with his eyes on her. "And mostly, I'm ashamed that I let my impulses take over… more than once... which was…is unforgivable."

She couldn't look away from his intense gaze. The awe-struck Rangiku watched him wordlessly, drinking in every word that is coming out of his mouth.

"Matsumoto. I'm not going to ask for forgiveness for what I have done, the wrong ways I've... acted towards you, the way I've …" he sighed again, taking a brief pause, "... and I know I've been horrible. I felt hurt and rejected and I took it out on you. It wasn't fair and I'm ashamed of it. I don't think I deserve to be forgiven..."

"I had already..." She blurted out.

He looked confused. "You had what?"

She turned fully towards him and moved closer, almost touching at the knees. They sat facing each other for a brief moment of silence then she muttered. "I had already forgiven you, Toshiro."

"Why?"

Why? She starred down at her hands on her lap and thought for a second.

Because she wanted to. She couldn't keep holding a grudge against the man she's in love with.

"Because it's you." She muttered. "How can I hold on to these grudges against you Toshiro? Even if I tried, I can't."

His eyes widen at that. They sat there facing each other for a long silent moment when he spoke again, "there is one more thing."

She looked at him questioningly.

"I need to show you something." His gaze was once again burning through her soul.

"What?" She asked faintly.

Slowly he leaned towards her and raised up on his knees.

Her heart jumped and with widen eyes she watched him move in slow motion. She forgot to react but leaned back as he placed his hands on the floor next to her to support his weight.

"I want to show you how I should've done this… Matsumoto."

Her whole body shuddered at the deep sultry voice that came out of him. His face was almost touching hers.

She could feel both the cool reiatsu and body heat that radiated off him as he inched closer and she closed her eyes on impulse.

His lips touched hers lightly at first but it didn't stop there. He slowly caressed her upper lip with his then softly took in both of them.

It was a soft and a gentle kiss. Their lips stroked each other's for a long time before she felt his tongue.

Slowly he sucked on each of her plump lips and pushed in deeper. She felt her heartbeat skyrocketing and everything in her body ached for him.

Yet, all she was physically touching are his lips. He tilted his head sideways and the kiss deepened. Their rubbery tongue slithered around each other for what felt like eons before he slowly broke the kiss. For a moment they couldn't look away from each other.

"I know this will not make up for what I've done. You should've been cherished and adored, not owned or… yet I… I'm… sorry, Rangiku." He spoke softly without moving back. His sad eyes housed an unidentifiable emotion which made the pit of her stomach worse.

"Rest assured that douchebag, jerk Hitsugaya Toshiro is gone. I…err… love you… and even if you never love me back I always will." His voice was gentle. "And I will do everything in my power to turn things between us back the way they used to be."

He stayed close to her like that for a moment.

She realised the heat has made her start sweating and that's not the only thing.

She was completely seduced by Toshiro, who is incredibly close to her yet not touching an inch of her skin. In her head a voice screamed out a response to that.

_I love you too Toshiro._ But nothing came out of her mouth.

And that's not all. She wants him, right now. Yet she couldn't make a single move.

After a moment of silence he pulled back and stood up, his face was impassive. She stayed still like a statue, lightly touching her lips with her finger.

He walked around the table and swooped down for his sake cup. With one swift motion all of it was all gone down his throat. She slowly followed his movement from her position on the floor and silently observed his stone face.

He placed the empty cup back on the table then turned towards the door.

"I think I'll go home now. Thanks for the sake..."

Before he could finish his sentence Rangiku stood up and jumped. Her arms wrapped themselves around his neck.

For a moment she silently stood there with her forehead rested on the crook of his neck, wishing to never let him go. He didn't expect her to act like this. His cold mask started crumbling.

"Thank you Toshiro." She muttered on his neck. "I'm glad even after everything we did to each other, we are still okay." Then slowly, she pulled away, releasing him.

"I thought I might've stepped out of line again" his false courage was started weakening as he observed Rangiku standing so close to him, with bright eyes and reddened cheeks. He wondered if anyone can ever be more beautiful than her.

She looked down and played with her necklace awkwardly. "Maybe you did. But you made up for it with...umm... that...umm... anyway..." she took a step back, as if to end the conversation.

He was mesmerised. Suddenly he felt an uncontrollable rush of love for her. He didn't know whether this shy, bashful Rangiku could ever look more adorable.

Instinctively, he pulled her closer by grabbing her waist and leaned forward, arching her back in the process.

She let out a little squeal as she found his face close to hers again, grabbing the collar of his kosode. He touched her forehead with his. Then he whispered teasingly, "That was a onetime demonstration I'm afraid. If you were expecting more..." he moved his face down, brushing her cheek lightly with his own, lips only hair's breath away from her skin, "…it would have to wait... Because I'm going to promise you right now... that I will never ever kiss you again unless... you asked me to."

Breathing in her scent deeply for few seconds, he let her go.

She was left standing breathless and flustered when he left the apartment with a slight smirk on his face.

Once again, she realised how completely he owns her, body and soul. She doubts even Toshiro himself has any clue about it.

...

**Too! Much! Drama!**

**Yeah... well... I thought this was a necessary chapter to depict what they felt and how they would've reacted to a bomb like that. And the transitions needed to be done somehow. I tried to compress these feelings as much as I could. Anyway, sorry for the length and the dullness. **

**Attention the two imaginative reviewers, you know who you are (if you're reading this): GinRanToshiro triangle? Right now? It would literally kill me if I try to channel that kind of emotion from Rangiku. Especially after what she's been through. I won't be surprised if I kill one of them off just to end it somehow. But, it gave me an awesome idea for a DIFFERENT story. I might act on that impulse one day. **

**P.S. Reviews would be nice if you could spare them.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_Scenario one: She walks up to him, pushes him hard against the wall, with her hands on her hips, she scowls and demands him to kiss her._

Too aggressive.

This is just silly. Let's try another way.

_Scenario two: She sits down on his desk while he is working, leans forward with a full and a half view of her bosoms, seductively whispers out things while gently running her finger through his hair. When he looks at her questioningly, she smiles and winks at him. His eyes widen and hands twitch until he can't stop himself..._

Too dangerous. If he loses control, there would be no saying to what could happen. Although… the thought of it wasn't half bad.

Rangiku shook her head out of the clouds and scribbled something lazily on the paperwork in front of her then lost track of it soon in her wild daydreams again.

_Scenario three: She walks towards him casually carrying a glass of some kind of beverage, when suddenly she trips and all the liquid spills on him. She says sorry then tries to awkwardly wipe off the damage to his kosode, he grabs her wrist on his chest, their eyes meet, time stops and they slowly... finally..._

That could work. She was suddenly hopeful. Although, the way he was teasing her last night, didn't seem like he was going to give in that easily. Especially now that he knew how weak she was.

She needed to tell him what she wanted without spelling it out or losing her cool or sounding too desperate.

_Scenario four: She drops her clothes accidentally..._

Too desperate_._

She groaned in frustration. Toshiro had been playing it cool since last night. He came into the office in the morning, calm, collected and captain like, without a single indication that he remembered anything. It was driving her crazy.

Then there were these fangirls who showed up at the office just before he left for the training. All their giggles, snapping hairs, princess like attitudes and body languages made her want to throw up first then scream angrily as Toshiro's cluelessness was making things too easy for them. He spoke to them as normal, answered all their dumb questions with outmost patience and what's worse, he didn't flinch the slightest when they were literally falling on him. If she could she would tear their hair off, one single strand at a time.

She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration then decided it's time for another cup of coffee.

She had no idea when he opened the door, closed it behind him then walked to where she was making her coffee with her back towards the entrance. He was silent like a prowling cat. She almost spilled the hot beverage on her perfectly groomed self when she turned around and almost bumped onto him.

He silently leaned forward, eyes looking at something beyond her, she hit her backside on the table as she reversed with her mouth slightly opened. They had almost, but not quite touched and the only defence she had was the steaming coffee mug she was clutching tight. After moment of lingering in silence, almost on top of her, he retreated by taking few steps back, holding a large encyclopaedia lookalike hardbound volume in his hands.

His eyebrows were furrowed as he instantly started turning its pages where he was standing, ignoring her as if she was invisible.

She quickly steadied herself, but failed to erase the unprepared awkward look from her red face. He was only reaching for the book on the self on the wall.

"What's with that look Matsumoto?" he frowned at her through the corner of his eyes.

"Wh… what look?" she stammered.

His eyebrows raised slightly, "you weren't expecting something else were you?" A thin sly smirk played across his lips for a split second. So, he remembered.

She flushed. He turned to head towards his desk and said, "I told you I won't try anything."

"If that was true you could've waited until I finished making my coffee before reaching for that book. You were clearly trying _something_." Her eyes were back to being defiant and they sparkled with triumph. She carried her coffee to her desk, ready to hit the paperwork. She could get him, she just needed to play it smart.

He stopped turning pages and realised this conversation wasn't going the way he planned. His facial muscles became extra still.

"I wasn't..." he didn't know why but he felt like he had to defend himself.

"If it is that hard for you to keep your promise, you shouldn't have made it." Rangiku was on the roll. She took a sip of her coffee and gave him an all-knowing gaze.

She'd got him.

His eyes stopped in the middle of the page where he was reading and he desperately tried to think of something to catch her off guard. "Is that what you want, Matsumoto? For me to break my promise? "

She almost slammed the coffee mug on the table as a response and blurted out, "what I want is irrelevant here, we are talking about you and your ability to keep your promise... Toshiro!"

He was standing opposite of her, turquoise eyes passionately burning, hands on her desk, and leaned forward dangerously.

"You're wrong. What _you_ want is the most important factor here... Matsumoto. "

She felt her face was heating up and she wordlessly gazed deep into his eyes with her back straight as an arrow pushed against the back of her chair. "What I... want?"

"Of course." His mouth twisted into a smirk. "What do _you_ want... Matsumoto Rangiku? Tell me."

_You_.

She realised she was sweating as heat was suddenly spreading all over her body.

She thought to herself, that this boy was going to be the death of her. Correction, _man_. She was once again in awe of how he had grown so magnificently, as a man and a shinigami. Right now, she had no idea what to do with this mind game playing, hot as hell, utterly irresistible Hitsugaya Toshiro in front of her, asking her what she wanted.

"Nothing. I don't want anything..." she spluttered.

"My bad." He walked away coolly and once again back to turning pages of his fat book at his desk. "I could've sworn your face was saying something else."

She clutched her coffee mug tight, resisting the urge to talk back. She remembered the good old days when all she had to do was push her breasts on his face and he would shut up.

Maybe, she _should_ try that again.

_Scenario five: ..._

He slammed the book close loudly and looked happy about something he found in there. The noise broke her away from her plotting.

"I'm going to finally sort these issues with the Okura family, might not be able to return before the end of the day." He spoke as he placed the book in its spot on the shelf on the wall.

"Umm... okay."

"So don't wait up."

"Alright."

"Really?"

She took a brief pause before asking him in confusion, "Yes? If you don't want me to wait then..."

"Oh." All of a sudden the tone of his voice changed. "I was kind of hoping you wanted to wait." His gaze softened. And there, she had him, with his heart in his hands, just like that night.

Their eyes met again and she knew this was it. This was the scenario she had been waiting for.

"I'll be off." He turned around, reaching out to open the door.

"Toshiro" she stood up.

He turned around with raised eyebrows, which jumped higher as she approached him with long steps.

"What..."

Before he could react her arms enclosed around his neck.

"Matsumoto!" His eyes were wide in surprise as she burrowed her face on the curve of his neck and squeezed her hold on him.

"I'll wait for you. I want to wait for you."

She wasn't sure but he might've breathed out a smile on her shoulder before hugging her back.

"I might be really late." His voice was soft and soothing. There was so much closeness in that moment she wondered if there was ever any distance between them.

"Then I'll wait for you at my place."

She heard him take in a sharp breath before he pulled back to look into her eyes.

"Are you sure?"

When their eyes met, she was suddenly shy at what she had just offered and blushed before nodding affirmatively.

His reaction was quick. He wasn't going to hold back anymore. Her lips were waiting for his when he leaned in. Her fingers found his thick mess of white hair to tangle themselves gently. Knowing how much she wanted him, he deepened his kiss. Soft and wet, warm and rubbery, sweet and comforting, for a moment those were all he knew. She was all he knew. It was astonishing how things heat up so quickly. This was an indication of how much they both wanted each other.

"Rangiku" with his voice full of longing he called her name, his lips were still tracing the skins of her exposed shoulder. She surrendered her body with her eyes closed in his arms that held her firmly against him.

"Umm?" She hummed at the sensation of his kisses on her neck. He was too good to be true. The heat was too much, so were the fabric on both of their bodies. But there was not enough of him. She wanted more. When she tried to say it, all her mouth uttered was a moan as he pushed her gently against the closed door.

"I have to go now." His kisses were gentle yet firm, she shivered.

She knew that he needed to leave. But her arms won't release him, instead they wrapped themselves tighter, pushing herself further against him.

"Matsumoto." He called again, while not stopping his kisses. "I can't go if you don't let me."

She wanted a bit more time with him. His presence was too tempting.

"Do I have to?"

"Umm..." whether that was a _yes_ she didn't know. All she knew was how his voice sent a shudder down her spine.

He was trying hard, really hard to stop this. He was already late and he knew if he doesn't stop now, he might miss his meeting entirely.

She let out another moan into his ear which drove him further and he momentarily forgot about the meeting.

"Rangiku... please. Make me stop. Say no... or something. Because if you don't..."

He finished the sentence with another heated kiss on her jaw and sliding his hand inside her kosode, widening its opening further in the process.

She gasped out for air and his name spilled out of her mouth like a prayer. "Oh…Toshiro... please... don't..."

His hand finally stopped what it was doing and pulled away.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered and loosened his hold around her waist. "It's hard to control myself around you..."

But she was still not letting him go. Her voice was full of disappointment when she murmured, "I was saying, don't stop, Toshiro... "

His mouth gaped for a second before he determinedly pulled away.

"Rangiku. I really have to go."

She took in a deep breath. Their eyes locked and she pouted a little.

"Let's say if I leave early I can come back early too. And you can have the whole evening to ourselves." He leaned in for a one last kiss on her cheek before pulling her away from the door.

She let out a sigh as she untangled her arms and stepped back. "Okay fine."

"Such impatience, Matsumoto." He retorted as he watched her straightening up her clothes and she blushed.

"What about you _Mr-I'm-too-cool-to-care-but-I-will-not-hesitate-to-break-my-promise-as-soon-as-you-hug-me_."

"Says the _Miss-oh-please-don't-stop-Toshiro!_" She threw a slow punch at his arm which he accepted with a mischievous grin.

"I will see you tonight." She muttered under her breath as she looked at everything in the room except him.

"Yes you will." He pushed the door open with a face lit with a happy smile. "Until then." And he was gone.

She let out a sigh. All these was too taxing on her nerve. Yet, she was happier than she had been for a very long time. Her face was constantly warming up as she relived the moment over and over in her head at her desk.

After a few failed attempts at doing some paperwork, she habitually opened the bottom drawer where she kept her secret stash of sake when she remembered all of it was gone when Toshiro was trying his hands on his ability to drown his guilt in sake.

But her eyes widen when the drawer was fully open. The number of bottles were exactly same as it was before Toshiro finished them. It wasn't Rangiku who restocked. It must've been him.

He replaced all the sake bottles he emptied that day, even when he hated her drinking at work. A smile played across her face.

Toshiro was still the sweet boy he once was underneath all that mind games, hotness and steaminess.

It was around afternoon time when the noise of the door sliding open made her look up.

"Matsumoto Fukutaichou" a lanky shinigami boy bowed and approached her desk.

"What is it?"

"A personal summoning for all the Captains and lieutenants of Gotei 13 by the captain commander." He placed a letter on her open palms and she opened it instantly.

"This looks mandatory."

"It is. I am in charge of delivering these messages to a number of officers. You're on my list."

"Hitsugaya Taichou is away and might not be back until late. How would he know?"

"Wherever he is he would be contacted either by a messenger or a hell butterfly."

"Okay." She reread the letter about a gathering at captain commander's brand new private meeting hall this evening. "You may leave."

The summoning appeared to be important enough for private messengers. She thought whether she should wait for Toshiro to arrive first before she leaves. For a moment she was unsure. And she wanted to wait for him.

Then again, he said he would be late and she needed to get there by the advised time. The messenger boy was sure that he would receive a message too and would know where she would be.

She shrugged before returning to her day dreams and failed attempts at doing paperwork.

When she arrived at the meeting hall, she looked around with interest as she had never been here before. It looked like Kyoraku Shunsui had taken it upon himself to _pimp_ the first division to suit his taste. The hall was almost as large as the great hall and she noticed this '_official'_ gathering looked dangerously like a party. She felt underdressed.

The bar was large, no surprise there. She found a stool to park herself and ordered her first drink before looking around for familiar faces. Suddenly she realised the whole place was full of people she had never met.

"Rangiku san" Renji appeared from behind her. "I see you've wasted no time." He eyeballed her glass and grinned.

"Renji" she grinned back. "What is going on here?"

"Well Kyoraku Taichou is introducing a patrol corps squad who would be staying at Gotei 13 for a while. They would be recruiting and training. I am guessing there will be few exchanges of members or something." He shook his head. "I'll be happy if the new captain doesn't try to poach any of our recruits. Sixth squad is already behind as it is. And I would like to keep these brilliant recruits I personally handpicked."

"Don't worry Renji. I'm sure they won't try anything like that."

After few more casual chitchat Renji moved away to socialize with few other people and she was left to drink by herself. She looked around.

Most of the captains were here already. She saw clusters of them here and there in groups.

"Nice necklace."

Her eyes darted towards the person standing next to her.

The woman had a head full of red hair which was wavy to the point of almost being bushy. Under her stylish framed glasses she looked very fashionable and conscious of how she looked. And Rangiku admitted, she was very beautiful.

"Thanks" she smiled at her. "I don't think we've met before."

"No we haven't" the redhead beamed at her. Her drink had arrived. She sipped it before looking at her. "My name is Saito Arinyu." She looked from under a curly strand of red-hair, "call me Arinyu."

"Matsumoto Rangiku." She introduced herself in return. "Rangiku would do."

"It's nice to meet you Rangiku." Rangiku liked her casual yet friendly way of talking.

"Likewise." Rangiku smiled.

The girl smiled back then pointed towards the corner at which a couple of men were standing, deep in conversation. "You probably can't see from here, the man in the centre of that little group there is my captain. Captain Kawamura Kotaro. The captain of the 23rd patrol corps. I'm his lieutenant. We will be around the Gotei 13 for this season and the reason why captain commander arranged this casual gathering." she smiled at her brightly.

For some reason Rangiku liked the girl instantly.

…

They were chatting for what felt like hours. Rangiku liked how the girl was mature and fun at the same time. They had a lot on common as they chatted on about random things.

Everything was going well until someone interrupted them. Rangiku turned around on her seat and found a large tanned man looking solemnly at Arinyu with his arms crossed. He was wearing a captain's haori.

With his booming voice he announced, "Yo, Arin chan. I'm heading off to the eleventh squad." His brown eyes were twinkling in excitement, not unlike a teenager. This side of his personally was a total opposite of his macho look. "hardcore drinking games this time. We call it _get-punched-and-drink_." He laughed heartily. "If you get punched on the face you have to drink. Sadly we can't play this here." he whispered, "the captain commander needs to look like he's a tough shit. He refused to allow such… _nonsense, _his exact words. I don't believe Kyoraku Shunsui has actually changed for real. It's all an act to keep the job I tell ya. Anyway. Come with me?"

Arinyu beamed at him. "Sure. Can't promise to join the erm… game though. Can I bring my friend here? This is Matsumoto Rangiku, the lieutenant of the tenth squad. "

The man finally looked at her and his jaw dropped. "You... are Toshiro kun's lieutenant?"

_Toshiro kun?_ She would've laughed at that. Oh, _he_ wouldn't like this even a bit. "Umm... yes."

"Wow! It makes me regret not looking into your file. I never thought an over achiever workaholic can land a blonde-bombshell like you as his lieutenant." he still looked shocked. "How does he concentrate on his work with you next to him?"

"Um..." She wasn't sure how to respond to that. Toshiro can concentrate just fine on his work with her around. She blushed nevertheless.

He slipped in between her and Arinyu while facing her. "Well, it was a pleasant surprise on my part." He smiled at her wickedly.

"Taichou!" Arinyu complained from the other side.

He cocked his head to look at Arinyu. "Don't you look at me like that!"

Arinyu groaned irritably. "Taichou. For once I wish to have a girlfriend without you making your move on her."

"Watchu talkin' about girl? You have plenty of girlfriends."

"Yes and all they ever do is talk about you and who you're dating." Arinyu scowled. "I wish you would stop breaking these poor girls' hearts."

"They knew what they were getting into."

"Still. Maybe you should try dating someone seriously for once."

Rangiku watched with her eyes wide at the back and forth conversation between the captain and his lieutenant. This was way too much information for her.

"Well every relationship has its expiration date, don't you think Rangiku Chan?" he smiled at her sultrily.

Rangiku smiled awkwardly, not sure of what to say to that.

"Well, unless of course half of the relationship is a goddess like you" his eyes tinkled. "Something like that should last forever."

Rangiku smiled at him very sweetly, "well, such relationship should also have a god like other half too."

He laughed loudly again. "And what god is better than a god of death?"

She wanted to roll her eyes, "that makes everyone here equals, doesn't it?"

"I guess. But you do prefer some over the others, am I correct? Let's say a tall dark and handsome one like me, over a… maybe... " he looked around the room then frowned as he pointed towards Kurotsuchi Taichou, "...that thing over there?"

Both Arinyu and Rangiku followed his finger and giggled as they witnessed Kurotsuchi Taichou trialling one of new so called inventions of ridiculous clothing that is not exactly a fashion statement.

"My, even your laughter is pretty." His brown eyes sparked with interest. "So, Matsumoto Rangiku, won't you allow me to sweep you off your feet?" suddenly reached out and took her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it.

"I…um… No thanks Kawamura Taichou." She slowly took her hand back. "I prefer no sweeping off." she smiled at him even more sweetly.

"Already swept off?" he feigned a pout. "Who is it? Is he as good looking as me? I promise I'm not only good looking, I have other skills under my belt too. Well unless of course you're already enamoured by this other guy _and _his skills. Are you, Rangiku chan?" he winked at her and she thanked the gods everywhere that it was too dark to notice her blush.

"No... I meant..."

Before she could gather her composure and dismiss his implied suggestions, he reached for her wrist again and pulled her onto her feet. "I guess you are. In that case, come. At least let me have a dance."

"I ...um..." she looked at Arinyu who shrugged and smiled apologetically. "Okay fine..." before she could finish he pulled her in his arms and started twirling with her, while singing along loudly and out of tune with the song that was playing.

She let a giggle escape her and an enthusiastic crowd started cheering around them. She was suddenly enjoying herself too.

Soon a number of other people joined in and the place started ringing with the sounds of laughter, more out of tune singing and the clanks of overflowing sake cups. She watched Arinyu dancing around with a handsome young shinigami. It felt like a real party.

"See. You're already falling in love with me Rangiku chan." Kawamura Taichou smiled at her widely. She knew there was nothing dirty underneath that hearty grin. "The other guy can suck it."

"Love? Oh please. You've gotta do more than just dance to make me fall in love." She continued the banter with a wide grin on her face.

"Oh" his eyebrows raised. "The harder you are to get, the better I enjoy the game. Bring it on sister." He made a comical resolute face that made her giggle out loud.

A moment later a flash of white hair caught her attention. Her focus instantly shifted towards her white haired captain in the crowd, approaching them.

Her heart jumped in joy. It had been a long day without him around.

She had stopped dancing as soon as she spotted him and said "Kawamura Taichou, let me introduce you to my captain... "

"Kawamura Kotaro", he removed one of his arm from around her waist and reached it out to Toshiro. "Toshiro Kun. How delightful it is to have finally met you."

His face was still like statue as he curtly nodded and replied with, "Hitsugaya Toshiro for you Kawamura Kotaro. I was anticipating your arrival. Glad to see you all safe and sound here. Matsumoto, could you..." He turned to look at Rangiku.

Kawamura Taichou interrupted again, "I have had the pleasure of meeting your incredible lieutenant here. She is a sight for the sore eyes I tell you." he then pulled her close to him with his remaining arm that was still holding her. "Too bad she won't fall for any of my attempts at sweeping her off her feet. I hope at least I danced to her satisfaction."

She carefully pulled herself away from his grasps and smiled in response. "That was a very good combination of twirling and semi coordinated physical movement, Kawamura Taichou."

"Oh, don't be so cruel Rangiku Chan" he placed his hand on his chest with a faked a hurt look on his face, then let out a hearty laughter. "Great lieutenant you have there Toshiro kun. She can easily give my own a run for her money. Anyway, we are all heading towards the Eleventh squad for drinking in a while. Want to join?"

"Maybe some other day" Toshiro replied even more coldly. "I must leave now. Matsumoto…" His face was icy and expressionless as he stood like a statue amongst the crowd of dancing people. "Come with me."

"It was nice to meet you Kawamura Taichou... and Arinyu too..." she tried to lengthen her farewells but Toshiro pulled her hard by her wrist. She almost tripped as she followed him out.

"Hold on Toshiro. Slow down." she staggered behind him as he walked like a storm out if the hall, along the empty corridor. "Where are we going?"

He refused to respond.

"Are you okay Toshiro? Was everything okay at the meeting at the Okura family residence?" She could barely keep up with his speed but she continued to shower him with questions.

"Toshiro... stop." After a long silence from him she snapped and pulled the brake.

He halted.

"Say something. What happened?"

"What happened?" He finally turned to face her. She suddenly realised he was mad, extremely mad. She could see his nostrils were flaring open and the air around her was heavy with cold mist. "I find you here falling over random men and you're asking me what happened?"

"Random men? Kawamura Taichou insisted..."

"I don't care who insisted what."

"I wasn't falling over him, we were just dancing."

"With his hands all over you?" He scowled "I do know what it's called and it's not dancing."

"Toshiro." She scowled back. "Listen to yourself. You're not making any sense."

"Rangiku" he pushed her against the wall and placed his hands on the wall around her. "I was looking for you everywhere... and you're here... dancing… with that man's hands all over you..."

"Toshiro I was just…"

"Just what? Checking out more of your options?"

"What options? Toshiro… get a grip…"

"God, I should've known Rangiku. I should've expected this from you." He looked like he wasn't even listening to her. "This isn't anything new is it… as soon as you get some sake in your system you start acting like a... like a... " he suddenly stopped as the realisation of what he was just about to say came to him and instantly his face changed from a scowl to a look of fear.

She, on the other hand, was speechless. She couldn't believe her own ears.

She was once again out in the cold and shivering. The ground beneath her feet was trembling and she was barely standing on her own two feet. They stared into each other's eyes for a long silent moment.

"Like a what Toshiro?" her voice was colder than the ice he wielded.

Instead of letting her go, he pulled her into a hug. The anger he felt only minutes ago, was gone. "I don't know why my mouth slipped it out... I didn't mean it like that that Rangiku..."

She was biting her lips, trying to hold the tears back. "Just say it. Like a what?

"Rangiku … I'm sorry..."

This time, she slapped him right on his face after pushing herself away from him. The noise echoed through the empty corridor which drowned in the faint sound of music that was coming from the hall they had just left.

"Don't talk to me."

She moved his limp body away and turned around to leave. He reached out and pulled her in again.

"Let go Toshiro…" she squirmed. "I'm going home…"

"Matsumoto… I love you." his uncharacteristic pleading didn't even register in her head. She squirmed with all her might but this time he grabbed onto her tight and flash stepped.

"Let go." She was yelling through her tears, trying to get herself out of his grasp.

"No." He replied with equal force.

"Why?" She spat out viciously. "Do you feel like you own me?"

"Rangiku..." he felt hurt at his own actions and Rangiku's accusations. He slowly let go of her.

She stomped away from him and finally realised where she was. The bank of a river in the forest not too far from seireitei. She knew this place very well.

"This is..." She was speechless once again. "How dare you Toshiro? How dare you use this against me now?"

He knew this was his last chance of fixing this. This was the spot where he once saved her life few years ago. This was place she once promised to never leave his side when he almost died defending her.

"Rangiku do you remember that day?" His pleading voice made her look at him. She knew her anger would dissolve if she did and surely enough, she felt a tug in her heartstrings looking at the softness of his feature illuminated by the moonlight.

"I knew I loved you even then. I knew I can never live with myself if I let you die. I would rather die."

"Stop it Toshiro." Her voice trembled.

He leaned on the tree that he was standing next to and never once removed his gaze from her. "I gave you all my reiatsu, just to keep you alive. Do you remember that?"

She took in a deep breath before turning around. He spotted something different in her.

With speedy steps she closed the distance between them and encircled her arms around his neck.

"You're right Toshiro. I owe you my life. You're my family, my best friend, my guide and saviour and you also have my heart. But... " she pulled away and gazed back into his turquoise eyes, "you and me as a couple, will never work. We'll never trust each other. I'm sorry, but we have to end this."

She calmly exhaled and stepped away from him.

"Rangiku, wait" suddenly he realised something. "Did you just say I have your heart? Does that mean..."

She was already few yards away when she stopped. Slouching her shoulders dejectedly she sighed, "Yes stupid. It means I love you."

His instincts were right, he knew within the depth of his heart. Yet, hearing it out loud from her mouth was like a dream come true.

Before she knew it, he was there, hugging her from behind, burrowing his face in her hair. "I'm so glad..."

"Why?" There was no anger in her voice, only disappointment.

"It means you love me back. It means you are mine."

"But that's it Toshiro." She slowly peeled his arms away from her. "I'm not. I'm not yours. I'm not your property. I'm not something you own and enjoy whenever you want to and break into pieces whenever you're mad. That's not love. And you're not mine either. I'm sorry, I can't be with you."

He felt like someone staked him in his heart. She slowly walked away without a single glance towards him.

He silently watched her attempting to walk into the forest. "I will take you home," without waiting for a reply he cradled her in his arms. Not that she couldn't do it herself, he just wanted to have her near him.

When he arrived on front of her apartment, he found her crying silently with her arms around his neck. The guilt tore his heart into pieces.

"I'm sorry…" she muttered again as he put her down on her feet and she spun around to open her door.

"Rangiku."

"See you at work tomorrow. Good night." She opened the door and took a step inside.

Desperately he pulled her in again, burrowing his face in her hair he whispered, "I love you Matsumoto Rangiku. And I'll wait for you to come back to me."

She used all her strength stop herself from breaking down then and there. Moments later Toshiro removed himself from her with a sigh.

"Good night Toshiro." She repeated sadly before closing the door.

…

_Like a…?_ He couldn't have said it any clearer. This was what he thought of her and it wouldn't matter how much she loves him. This won't ever change.

There was no hope for them.

Still, she wanted to be with him. She restlessly squirmed on her bed and traced the dried tear trails with her fingers on her face before losing herself to sleep.

…

**I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. :( But they had major issues that needed sorting, they can't just hook up and it's all shooting stars and rainbows. **

**I'm kind of fond of this new character I came up with Saito Arinyu. She has bright bushy red hair like Merida from Brave and thick stylish glasses like Rita Skeeter from HP. She also likes painting her lips bright red. She's witty and a lot like Matsumoto. But she's more level headed and hides a little crush on her captain. That's all I know for now.**

**And yes I did change the title. it was getting to long and bothersome. **

**Anyway, Happy new year.**


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